Are you emotionally available to Life’s intimacy?

Part 2/2 of The Death of Relationships series. Read part 1: From Unlove to Mutuality

When I grew out of my consumeristic view of life, where I was just getting by and numbing the pain by spending money on glittery numbing-devices, I craved something beyond numbness.

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My friends and I were drifting through life, spending money on dancing, drinking, the latest technology, brandnames, dinner and movies, and holidays. We were self-medicating our inner pain and doubts away, telling ourselves we were having fun (and we were having fun, and we were also fleeing from pain, personally and collectively). I craved…

From trauma bonds to healthier relating. A history of unlove doesn’t doom us - Love is possible!

All my life I’ve craved intimate relationship. More than any other factor, this has been my driving force.

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When I was a child I craved intimacy with my Mum (who most certainly did not want intimacy with me). I craved her touch and she pushed me away. I craved her kind words and she made fun of me. I craved her attention and she ignored me or raged at me out-of-the-blue. I craved her acceptance and she told me I was sinful at the core, that she had never wanted to have me, and that she ‘loved me with the…

It’s hard to enjoy love when you’re continually guessing what the other person is thinking … and getting it wrong.

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What are Subtext-Acknowledged Relationships?

Imagine this. An intimate relationship where both people shared how they really felt, moment to moment. Where they shared what was coming up for them, intellectually and emotionally. Where they told it like it was, but delivered each message with tender care. Truth + Love wedded together, the two polarities home at last in an unbroken circle. The values of Truth and Love revealed to be twins, that only work when they’re welded together.

I have a relationship like this (I’m polyamorous so the possibility exists for me to enjoy multiple relationships like this. …

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I give up my career
I am now careerless
and a failure
in the eyes of the world

I am giving up success
any chance of success
giving up ambition
and pursuit of status

Nobody is going to be able
to feel inferior to me
based on my glowing career
my many achievements

Well, actually
they can feel inferior if they want
someone always will;
I’m giving up feeling superior to others

or feeling inferior to them:
2 sides of one coin
one miserable coin
that can never buy

Or anything worth having


When I say I…

You can experience zesty newness in your life rather than the same old cycles. (It IS possible to see beyond Confirmation Bias.)

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Confirmation Bias in Action

I Don’t Belong and it Hurts

I’m sitting in a fancy café. Fancier than I normally go to, on a ritzy street, described by some as the hippest street in Melbourne, Australia. And I noticed myself doing something weird.

I’m looking at the clothes people are wearing (I don’t normally do this much). I’m assessing whether they’re better quality than mine, as in the clothes wealthier people might wear. Branded. Cooler. Corporate or upmarket.

As I look-to-assess I start noticing my clothes too (I don’t normally do this much). I’m wearing an old singlet-top from bulk clothing supermarket, Target. Jeans from a thrift shop. Jewellery that…

Warning: This article goes beyond superficial relationship advice!

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‘Relationship Advice’ is a popularly searched for topic on the web and I get why. We’re all in relationships of some kind, and it’s been said that everything in life boils downs to relating. Those of us who enter into intimate relationships experience that the deeper we dare venture into intimacy, the more shit gets stirred up!

This is why many people stay on the surface in relationships. Or they love once, get heartbroken, and swear off love. I understand this and have compassion for these choices. …

It happened for a reason, and it can make you or break you.

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Life is filled with breakups. All of our intimate relationships will end, whether through breakup or death. Many people have multiple love relationships across their lifetime (some at the same time), and very few of us are with our first lover or partner.

It’s stifling to hold onto a relationship when it is over, for both people:

  • Yes, it’s common that one person initiates the breakup and feels the desire for it more strongly.
  • Yes, it’s common for the other to cling to how the relationship once was, and try to prevent the ending.

But deep down, perhaps even unknown…

Otherwise you’ll get a false match.

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Are you Right for Each Other?

Relationship Compatibility comes down to two significant factors:

  1. Do you match up well?
  2. Are you giving accurate information so as to receive an accurate match?

Factor 2 is more important than factor 1. If factor 2 isn’t in place factor 1 is going to return wonky results. So let’s put first things first and talk about factor 2!

Authenticity: The Fuel of Relationship Compatibility

Are you authentic? Do you dare to be authentic? It’s a massive risk … have you taken it? It’s a risk that pays off … you gain just as much for everything you lose.

Authenticity requires the value / skillset of courage…

Are you willing to learn Love’s challenging lessons?

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We crave intimate love and we fear it. We want it more than air yet when we experience greater depths we unconsciously panic, and drown. How can we get closer to the Love we need so much?

The whole point of intimate relationships is to teach us how to love. We are already Love-itself, but we’ve lost touch with our own deepest heart. Through engaging in love relationships we discover just how fearful of love we truly are. If we watch closely, we see ourselves closing against it, self-sabotaging, pushing it away, or grasping-on in a way that destroys it.

Sair Gryphon

Sair Gryphon of ‘Intimacy Is’ writes about love relationships in all their grit & glory. As they live out intimacy adventures, they discover they know nothing!

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