I don’t overreact on time

Before we get to the heart of our subject, let me remind you that the F in INFP stands for Feelings. They say humans are made of water … well INFPs are made of feelings.
We feel every damn thing. The things happening to us, to our beloved, to the people we meet, to those around the world. We are to feelings what sponges are to water and this can really make you crazy if you are not careful …
Because of this sensitiveness, I have to pay attention to what I watch, listen or witness. Literally everything around me can mess my mood up. An ad, a movie, a book, a story, someone in the streets… hypersensitivity, do you feel me ?
It has been hard for me to get to this point where I accept the game my feelings are playing with my mind. I have upset about it, sad, depressed… I couldn’t understand why everybody could so easily walk pass things that got me stuck in tears.

Two years ago, social medias got me crazy with everything going on in the United states with the killings of black people by the police. If you didn’t know me and saw what I was posting online about that or heard me talk about it, you would bet that I was an African American or that someone close to me had been a victim.
I can’t “ half-feel ”. When I feel, every inch of me feels. Every bone. I know people probably think I overreact. I am not. I just react more intensely.
One day, years ago, I somehow decided I would no longer cry as much as I did. I would be stronger, tougher, less sensitive. Now I know the best thing to do was to embrace that trait of my personality (cause the remedy ended up being worse than the illness) but at the time when I decided I didn’t want to be myself anymore, I tried to completely erase that part of me. Result ? I don’t overreact on time.
When something bothers me, makes me sad, upsets me … I often feel like my instinctive reaction to it would be “too much” or misunderstood, I keep my mouth shut and act as if I don’t mind. But the feeling, the things I wanted to say, the look I wanted to give … they don’t disappear. They just stay somewhere in my mind and in my heart and when the last straw breaks the camel’s back, it all comes out in such an ugly way that everyone involved feels overwhelmed.
I can feel angry today for something you did months ago because at that time, I didn’t allow myself to feel everything and express it. I think that’s why I so often have this “ I don’t feel good and I don’t know why ” moods. It scares the hell out of me that I am probably always going to be that sensitive and not be able to express it but I am working on it. I do.
So ! This was another part of the INFP me. Can you relate ? I would love to know what “ relationship ” you have with your feelings lol. Don’t forget to hit the heart :)
