Hard As Nails
“Performative Nonsense” or “Radical Rethink of Masculinity”?What happens next is up to you?
“I’ll have Neon Pink, thanks. And a skull on my little finger, please?”
I got my nails done. It wasn’t planned, but it’s inspired a plan.
And I’d like to crowd source opinion to explore it’s potential, and pitfalls.
So, I’d bought Harry Styles tickets for my daughter’s birthday.
Before the show, I asked how she’d like to prepare and she said ‘Nails!’
And when we arrived, I couldn’t resist; I got Be More Pirate colours, and loved every minute.
A middle-aged Dad with pink nails at Harry Styles; no big deal.
Then I kept them as a reminder of my daughters joy at Wembley.
But the following week, came with an unexpected plot twist;
“Distracted by your nails Sam, Protest? Or being cool,” went the message on Zoom.
“Hello mate, nice nails; where did you get them done?” Said the bloke on the bus.
“I love it, and sometimes let my daughter do my toes,” said the Managing Director of a global investment bank.
Man, oh, man. Man after man was positive and curious.
Which is not the usual chit-chat I have with chaps.
In week one of pink nails, I had a dozen conversations that began with a curious comment about my gels, and then in some way or other moved towards allyship.
From awkward admissions of not understanding allyship to panic about using pronouns to frustration and fear about violence against women.
I didn’t have answers to all their questions, and can’t claim expertise across any of the topics, but do know they’re conversations men need to have.
According to Gallup, 53% of millennials think equal rights for women have gone too far.
Which, considering the definition of equal, is worrying for maths. Let alone progress.
There’s over 200 years estimated before gender pay parity and there were 125 women were murdered in the year after Sarah Everard’s killing.
And with no overarching plan for those interwoven tragedies in sight, the idea that equality has gone too far isn’t just bad maths. It’s just bullshit.
But while the facts speak for themselves, getting men to talk about all this is more complicated. I’ve tried, and it’s hard work.
But weirdly, my unintended pink fingertips attracted more positive explorative and inclusive conversations with ‘your average man’ than I’ve ever had.
And the topics were as broad as the spectrum of ally-ship. From calling out mansplaining at work to campaigns for safer streets for women on their way home.
And these important aspects of equality that have dominated headlines and filled our feeds, were things men worried about, but didn’t know how to talk about, or more importantly take action on.
So, wondering if this could go wider but also in search of a reality check (I have a tendency to over assume my ideas can lead to lasting solutions) I Instagrammed my now a little chipped nails.
Women I didn’t know cheered me on.
People I did know enjoyed my endless mid-life crisis.
And even more men contacted me privately. The conversations went the same way…
Curiosity about better nails led to discussions about being better males.
Unintentionally, getting my nails done, had led to more open chats with other cis males about how to be better allies, than I’d have ever imagined and that seems like something worth exploring.
And so, I have an idea to test this further, and I’d like your opinion.
But first, a couple of pre-emptive caveats:
1A: Painting your nails and calling it allyship is performative, at best. For this to be worth exploring, it needs to be lead to greater understanding and more action, around allyship.
1B: Leveraging nails to unlock armies of influential allies might be worth a shot, but not at the risk of undermining other important active areas of debate, or at-risk communities that I am not part of, or expert in.
2A: Harry Styles is a hot, talented young straight man. Like many other cool young guys, who have been getting their nails done for a few years.
2B: Sorry, lads; but potentially, here come the dads.
If the idea is to create awareness that leads to action, I thought it might be helpful to think it out loud as if it were a campaign, so here goes:
Draft Press Release:
New Campaign Challenges Gender Norms and Encourages Allies to Stand Up for Equality Through Bold and Bright Nail Art
LONDON, UK — Hard As Nails aims to transform the conversation around gender norms by inviting men from all walks of life to paint their nails to spark dialogue, break stereotypes, and demonstrate solidarity.
The campaign, launching on the 14th of April 2024, encourages men to embrace the traditionally feminine practice of painting nails and Nail Art.
But more than a visual statement, the campaign encourages men to actively engage in conversations about gender rights and explore how to be a valuable ally.
“Hard As Nails is more than just a manicure,” said spokesperson Idris Elba. “It’s about getting men thinking and talking about gender norms and discovering how to be better allies and push towards a more inclusive society.”
The campaign hopes to attract high-profile participants, with Idris Elba and David Attenborough already taking part with invites sent to other industry leaders.
Any proceeds will benefit a range of UK-based charities, including ROSA who support grass roots programs for women and girls, and The Fawcett Charity, supporting equality and Women’s Rights.
“Hard As Nails is a fun way to make a serious statement. Reject patriarchal norms; stand up for a more equal and inclusive society,” Idris added. “Let’s break stereotypes, not nails.”
To learn more about Hard As Nails, please contact hello@hardasnails.com
- - — — Message Ends.
Sorry for the clunky shift in prose and the AI nail jobs for the boys. (But also thank you midjourney!)
Writing it out as a press release and mocking up some images helped me think it through as a campaign. And will hopefully help you, to help me see the potential and pitfalls.
I know this is not the answer to the white supremacist capitalist patriarchy.
That will take more dismantling than a manicure can manage.
I can see there’s a risk of distraction from important debates already taking place.
And I acknowledge my privilege as a white CIS male and question whether my voice is needed, or wanted in this space.
Or, whether ir’s possible to have a campaign encouraging men to engage in conversations that lead to action around allyship and equality, without joining in equally important but adjacent debates, with passionately held views that I’m not qualified to take part in.
But from the feedback, that my new nails kept bringing up, this would be about empowering those who don’t feel comfortable speaking up.
Accessing those whose statement in stepping up and speaking out (even if that begins with something as simple as getting their nails done) would be powerful? And this it seems, could be a conduit to them.
In short, there’s no doubt fostering more meaningful conversations about allyship amongst mainstream men, currently limited by internal fears, is essential.
And, it seems, from a very small sample and some very early signs, the simple, fun but symbolic act of getting their nails done, could be a way to facilitate that.
But, I wanted to ask for opinion before I got too high on my supply, and draw light away from others, or add to debates that don’t go anywhere.
So, I asked for criticism, and here’s what I heard:
I set up an anonymous survey with six questions to try and understand the potential positive impact, the unintended negative consequences and elicit opinions my priveleges or perspectives might not let me see.
I began with a straightforward ask, whether it’s an idea worth pursuing or not:
And then I asked what the possible positive potential could be and these responses pretty much sum it up:
And then I asked what the unintentional negative outcomes might become, and the following responses pretty much sum it up:
It’s worth noting there were FIVE TIMES as many positive responses about the positives this campaign would have than the negatives.
However, the positives were all very consistent and so are all captured by the above.
The negatives, although less, were a bit more varied, and as the point was to get perspectives I might not be able to see, here’s a few more pitfalls:
And then, drawn from both sets of answers, I’ve pulled the following, which once the issues of sensitivity, awareness and appropriateness are understood, it seems to be the key point.
How doe you make sure something like this isn’t just about awareness, but actually leads to meaningful actions:
so I’ve adjusted the idea here based on the feedback of this small sample from my mailing list and now want to ask a broader more public opinion.
The survey link below evolves the questions above, to really try to get some practical and applicable ideas behind three main areas:
1. How to make awareness lead to action, or how to transform conversations into commitments.
2. Who to speak to, involved, collaborate with, or even hand over to, so that this isn’t a man-made idea of what equality should look like.
3. How to avoid negative outcomes, for any group or individuals that are involved in any of the important debates about equal rights, across a vast and complex spectrum that all deserve airtime and attention.
So now over to you.
Shall we make it happen, or should we shut it down?
Can you give me some honest, unfiltered feedback, anonymously and constructively so that either I can take this forward, or maybe even better someone else can, or quite possibly we put it on the shelf as an interesting idea and debate, but not the answer that’s needed right now.
So, here’s he survey is anonymous, with only six questions, and it’s here: https://sam774431.typeform.com/to/cWxHsDmW
This idea was originally shared after I’d mentioned it over lunch at The Do Lectures. I used a 3 minute open mic slot on the last morning to share it and got overwhelming encouragement.
I wrote up a version of the above and shared it to my newsletter, which led to the survey responses and a similar number of emails sent to me directly.
if you’d like to sign up to my newsletter, please visit: samconniff.com
