Antics of Steely-Eyed Missile Men
Or: Shenanigans On The Moon
Space history is a thing that I always find fascinating and fun, and Apollo 12 has all the right things in my opinion. Let’s get right into the borderline farce that was Apollo 12, America’s second voyage to the moon.
1. Lightning Strike
25 seconds after launch, Command Module Pilot Dick Gordon was heard saying “What the hell was that?”. The Saturn V had been hit by lightning. The three main fuel cells and many of the Command Module instruments were knocked offline. After the strike, the mission commander was told to switch to the auxiliary power source, he responded with “What the hell is that?” Luckily the pilot was quickly able to find the switch, thus earning him the title “Steely-Eyed Missile Man”
2. The $500 Bet
After landing softly in the Ocean of Storms, Commander Pete Conrad hopped down the ladder, set foot on the moon, and exclaimed “Whoopie!”. During an interview shortly before the launch, Conrad and an italian reporter had an argument about whether or not Neil Armstrong’s “One Small Step” line was scripted by NASA. Conrad insisted that he could say whatever he wanted, and bet that his first word on the moon would be “Whoopie!” In what was probably the most important moment in his life, he came through. Unfortunately, he later stated that he was never able to collect his $500.
3. R.I.P. Camera
Apollo 12 included the first color tv camera to go to the moon, so the moon walk could be broadcast live all around the world. Unfortunately, while setting up the tripod, Conrad accidentally pointed the camera at the sun, burning out the tubes and ending the broadcast instantly.
4. Never Go To The Moon Without A Hammer
After the camera burnt out, Lunar Module Pilot Alan Bean took the opportunity to try to fix the camera, by hitting it with his trusty hammer. He reported,
“ I hit it on the top with my hammer. I figured we didn’t have a thing to lose. I just pounded it on the top with this hammer that I’ve got.”
Truly the stuff of legends.
Additionally Apollo 12 planned on leaving behind a science package which would transmit back data, and was powered by a nuclear power cell that was stored in a protective casing outside the lander. A few minutes after the camera-hammer incident, while trying to remove said nuclear power cell, Conrad found that it was stuck. After struggling for some time, Conrad resorted to hitting the side of the casing with the hammer a few times, loosening it, and thus saving the science package.
5. Space Porno
While on the moon, each astronaut had a small booklet that included various checklists and procedures for their time out on the surface printed on a plastic, non-flammable paper. One member of the backup crew snuck into one of the NASA labs, and made some fireproof copies of playboy centerfolds, and hid them in the checklists without anyone noticing. He also included some doodles, and captions like “Seen any interesting hills and valleys?” Probably the best part about this prank is that NASA broadcasted all communications, so as to not upset the taxpayers, all the astronauts could do was giggle, so much in fact that people accused them of being drunk.
This is a little fluff piece I wrote while participating in The Odyssey, a weird little place (that may or may not be a pyramid scheme) that entices young people to write weekly content to try and win a $20 gift card. But I’m like 75% happy with how this one turned out, so hopefully someone can get something out of this.
Originally published at www.theodysseyonline.com on November 7, 2016.
