Few days back, i made a decision to find how isolation effects me.This experiment and results may not be perfect but i’ve got some good insights and these may or may not apply to you.
To simulate isolation , i’ve taken a 10 day break from work and home, basically everything of my life and locked myself in my apartment with not much interaction with outside world.
10 days may not seem like a lot of days but that’s all i got.
Some parameters for experiment
- Me and my friends share a 3 BHK and for all these 10 days, i’ve stayed alone in the apartment (others gone home)
- I’ve decided to not to step outside the apartment for anything
- Food and beverages are ordered through Zomato (food delivery service) and Dunzo (local pick up or buy)
- I’ve enough money to sustain 2 months, so money for ordering food and other things is not a problem
- Interaction with outside world is kept at minimum. During 10 days ,there are 2 msgs and one call from my mom everyday (i can’t stop that)
- i’ve got a workstation and good amount of food stored. Maid and cook are on leave for 10 days
- Entertainment : — Netflix, Amazon prime, Guitar and Launchpad
- I’ve decided not to have any human interaction for that period and everything was set accordingly
Thoughts before experiment started
I am a workaholic and i started lot of project which are incomplete by that time. i’ve decided not to go on with any of these incomplete project as they might keep me busy from myself, but i kept a rule that to start any idea i’ve got in these 10 days and keep working on it if the reward will be seen by the end of 10 days but not after.
My story
As I said I am a workaholic and a introvert. i am social enough to keep me away from going insane. i get lonely lot of times and i cloud that feeling with work and music, I sing my heart out with only me as my audience(not a great singer nor musician)
Being an introvert all my life I tried for isolation if there’s too much pressure from social group and this isolation factor has got me the time to improve skill in areas I’ve never imagined. I started playing piano 3 years back and singing 2 years back. I’ve kept my hands in UI design, web development,illustration,basic animation , crypto creation, sound engineering, IOT devices and so on, you get the idea. Currently I am a data analyst and also working on some machine learning projects as a full time job and on side, I am trying to create a YouTube channel(making my first video regarding building a NAS) and also working on stock portfolio management. Fancy words aside, I don’t have much time to spend with social group, or you can say I keep myself busy all time to avoid loneliness and social pressure(this worked for me).
I’ve spent a lot of my life as above and now I am 22,so it got me thinking that if my interactions skills decreased in future and if i faced isolation, how will it effects me. Work gets boring, even now sometimes and I counter it by taking a total random project from freelancer(more work)or going out on a trek or backpacking. This whole section might have given my personality as a whole.
Isolation
The results of this experiment are given in 2 parts.
Part 1
Days 1-4
First day went in a breeze, I sat in front of my workstation and started watching TV series called altered carbon. completed it within first day itself and unable to lay without any work, started a movie. When i felt hungry, i just grabbed somethings from fridge .
second day is more like first, spent most of time watching movies and ordered food when hungry, being an occasional smoker and drinker ,ordered cigarettes and some beer. By the end of the day, i consumed full pack of cigarettes and beer is left in fridge. I felt horrible knowing that i just smoked 20 cigarettes and thought i will not do it again
3rd day, I am unable to resist myself from ordering cigarettes, so I did order another pack(generally I don’t smoke much and never had that much craving to take tobacco). I spent some time thinking about any project i can start and decided on one such project. I sat at my workstation to work on it ,,but I ended up opening Netflix to watch more movies.I finished the pack again. after every movie or show i used to take my guitar and play a song,
Day 4 is where my lines blurred,morning I’ve tried to work on project again and failed.I started writing short lyrics(i do that when I am feeling bit low) and singing them as loud as I can.later that day,a friend visited(i know it’s against my rules, but I bent them a slight bit) we went out(for few hours), which I don’t remember much about and I ended up having lot of cigarettes on that day too. when returned to my apartment on that night, I drank the beer left in my home and went crazy for not having more tobacco.
Till that day, i am in my complete senses and did everything consciously ,like I know I am not supposed to smoke that much, but I did it anyway. Drinking that night may be the worst decision I’ve made in that experiment, from day 5 I don’t remember much,so I can’t explain day wise .so here’s how shit went down
Part 2
Days 5–9
On day 5 , I woke up and first thing I did is to order 3 packets of cigarettes . it felt like a hangover , I thought it’s due to previous days drinking. I am not in my senses(like tipsy stage while drinking), I spent most of the time wandering in my apartment and doing things that aren’t necessary, I kept my clothes in washing machine and after 2 hours I kept back in my room without washing. I moved the bean bag from living room to verandah and back 7–10 times. at evening, I’ve realized I did not eat anything on that day, so I ordered a meal for 4 from pizzahut (i am not feeling hungry but i ordered it). When food arrived i started eating , watching something on computer. i am so lost in movies(or tv series. i don’t remember) in 3 hours i ate only 3 slices. After that , i forced all remaining slices into my mouth and stored remaining pizza in fridge.i smoked nearly 2 packs that day. At this point, i am not feeling bad for smoking, i am just doing it. All day i thought, it’s just the effect of Alcohol the previous day.
On 6th day. I still woke up in hangover condition. I am puzzled by where i am. I didn’t understand what i am doing, but i am able to be rational sometimes. that day, i ordered cigarettes again. Surprisingly i lost interest in watching any entertainment. i did watch a movies,that i already watched and spent most of the time day dreaming. I am confused most of the time and had to snap back to reality from time to time. I remember holding my guitar and singing my heart out (i don’t know what) day 7 and 8 felt like a lifetime.
Unable to bear the silence, i started playing songs with full volume. I felt all possible emotions, and mood swings are high. everything felt like a dream and i am constantly struggling to find the reality. I am in a battle somewhere in one moment(maybe T.V series i watched earlier effected this) and then in empty desert the next. it felt like inception. i did not give a damn about anything and i struggled remembering things. on day 7 i guess, my phone fallen down and screen went blank, i noticed it but did not feel anything. a hour later i picked up my phone to order food and surprised to see it not turning on. it took me well over 5 min to recollect that it had fallen earlier. This repeated again and again in next 2 days. i lost sense of time and also what i am doing. Nothing mattered at that time.
sometimes i felt nothing, sometimes i felt all kinds of emotions. time ran very slow. at one point i noticed current time and went back to day dreaming and wandering around house with no particular aim. when i saw the time again i am quite surprised to see that only 1 hour passed when it felt like well over 10 hours. i took lot of quick naps. my thoughts are all over place, i’ve wondered why this plate is kept on the table and then immediately why human nails are white. Noting seemed to bother me, i felt no joy nor pain, i am just there.
As the time passes, thoughts became more aggressive and i started asking the reason for my life. i even thought of cutting my hand to see what happens ,when i die. on day 9 morning i am still drunk ,even when the last time i drank alcohol is 4 days back(don’t ask me how). I somehow made a rational decision that day, i decided to end the experiment. i did not like where’s it’s going. I took a bath for 2 hours that day and when i came out of bathroom, i saw the mess i made in my apartment. There’re cigarette buts every where, rotting food on floor and uncleaned plates scattered around. Strong stench filled the room. I felt disgusted on the look of it and wondered if i am staying here for last few days(i am) . I cleaned up everything and it took me long time to come back to my senses
Some thoughts
These are some conclusion I made regarding my behavior after experiment ended.I am not an expert in any of these matters, so I might be wrong.
Firstly taking about society (people around), I am quite pessimistic in my thoughts and tried my level best to part away from people and connections before this experiment. I used to think that I can work towards my goal ,if I am alone. During isolation, on 2nd day I’ve got a idea that I can implement(mini project),but I did not. Why I did not go with it,even being a workaholic? is the question I asked lot of times and found that I am a dependent on feedback from social group. I do something I want ,to continue that work I need some support and feedback which can only come from social group or society, there’s no way around. For example ,you completed a freelance project and earned 300USD, you will feel happy but the true pride comes only when a other human entity knows about. It may be any achievement ,you need that pride. May be from your parents or significant other, you need to open up to get the satisfaction you are working for.
Lesson 1 — I need the social group for my self improvement
I smoked lot of cigarettes during those days so I wondered why I had no control over it. I remember watching a kurzgesagt video on YouTube regarding addiction, he explained this phenomenon greatly. Sorry for providing a YouTube video as source
Lesson 2 — No addictive substances when feeling low
At the end of experiment, my thoughts went suicidal, I still don’t know why this happened. I may have been experiencing depression (I don’t remember) or just lost the purpose to live. I don’t know
Lesson 3 — Never try stupid experiment
Aftermath
Cleaning the mess I made after experiment is the least painful aftermath I experienced. I lost my interest to work. I continued to do nothing for next 2 weeks, I became addicted to smoking, my diet cycles are messed up. I felt haunted from the thoughts during experiment. Oh boy that next 2 weeks ,I started banging my head on desk to pull my shit together. I managed to pull myself and currently doing well. I still smoke but not as much. It’s almost a month from end of that experiment and now I feel comfortable to write about the shit I did
After reading this ,if you want repeat the experiment on yourself, please don’t.
Thanks for reading .
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Kurzgesagt video i am talking about