intoxicating love of a reverent man

by samantha rose

i am intoxicated by the ways men love women. like it is their duty. the dark and the light. but the “dark” love is the most intriguing. the angst-filled kind. i watch men pretend to love women on screen and i find myself in a daydream, diving further into my imagination as if it is reality, their written love.

somewhere, i like to think it is.

i am watching a new show called taboo on FX. the main character loves a woman he is “not supposed to love.” and despite the odds, and trust me, they are the worst kind of “odds,” tom hardy is so convincing as this character.

the way his voice sounded when he named her, “my love,” in the narration of a letter… the way he looks at her… the way he tells her they will see each other again, even in dreams… the way he uses magic to reach into her in the middle of the night… i imagined their characters making love with one thought in the back of my mind: the way a man loves a woman when he truly loves her.

not when he thinks he loves her, is afraid to love her, or simply does not, but sleeps with her only because she is there and willing. i mean the ways a man truly makes love to a woman, in a multitude of ways. to her body, her mind, her soul. her entire being, held in reverence, passion, love, romance, lust… all combining into holiness and the meeting of two wholes. the ways he cannot resist her essence and spirit and physical being. the way he loves her spirit manifested in her divine earthly shape.

to be on the receiving end of that love is the kind of intoxication that no drug may ever match. nor would i ever want it to.

ardent, unapologetic, true, deep love.

i have yet to be met this way. i have yet to be loved so deeply and truly.

i’m not upset about it. i’m actually content with that feeling, because i know it is on the way. i know there is so much better love than everything i’ve experienced, waiting for me at the horizon. it’s the foggiest feeling, loving and dreaming of someone you haven’t met yet. to know they are out there somewhere dreaming of you too. we prepare for each other.

finally, i have met myself. i have loved myself deeper than ever, and the journey continues. it leads me to this passionate, erotic love that awaits. the freckles line along my limbs; a path that will lead you to me. lights that illuminate your way. from my feet to my heart to my neck to my lips. where we meet; where we are drunk on one another.

men love women
like bee
loves flower
taking all it needs
to create more
women provide life
woman is life

men who love women
like the wolf who howls at the moon
sets sights on prey
lovingly claw at coveted flesh
simultaneously wanting the best
kissing bruises onto skin
if another threatens his luna
he will take a life if needed
for all must respect her as he does

the look in a man’s eye when the passion has taken over… 
when his mission has become clear…

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