Respecting and Loving Yourself Through Acne

By: Samantha Rose J.

Acne has plagued my skin since I hit puberty. It started on my chin, then went to my cheeks, was on my back for some time (thank God that stopped), and is now plaguing my face again.

Yes, I have done everything. Except homeopathy, which I am now doing as of a week ago. This is not an article for advice or tips. These are musings that I hope anyone with also acne, and I mean real, cystic, life-hindering acne, will either chime in or resonate or learn something new about themselves.

So, I was doing my daily #yogacamp with my hands down by far favorite American yogi, @yogawithadriene. I’m a little behind and today I did day 19. For yoga camp, Adriene is doing a daily mantra. They’re AWESOME. Today’s was “I respect.” Some stay on their own, and for most we finish the sentence how we feel connected to do so. My first immediate thought was “I respect my body.” I think Adriene said it right after that too, hah. Anyway… during the mantra creation portion, Adriene mentioned her allergies. She said that she no longer lets them control her life.

Bam. Epiphany.

I’m letting my acne control my life. My work attendance for the past month has been terrible. My social life is on a severe decline. My love life is diminishing before my eyes, but let’s not go there because I wonder what about that would be different if my skin was currently clear. I know for one thing I would be much more confident. And by much more I mean let me go 10 million lightyears and back. It is literally the only thing that I haven’t mastered in insecurities I think, actually, now that I think about it.

I’m doing everything I can right now. I’m changing my diet (more drastically than I probably would for health in general), drinking awful tasting herbs that are supposed to help acne, taking a shitton of vitamins, attempting to drink 10x more water than I normally do, and I even joined a gym to get that cardio in. Yes, I’m actually going! And I know, I’d prefer going outside too, but it’s the dead of Winter in NYC, and that is not. Happening.

So, if I’m doing all this and seeing no immediate improvement, what else is it?

I’ve contemplated the spiritual affects of this. When my acne was just on the right side of my face, I googled that. I googled face mapping. All of the things. I’ve thought that it really just boiled down to me not loving myself, and then I get into an argument with myself because I swear I love myself! I swear I do! But do I? Or have I put the poisonous condition in the back of my mind, handed the power to my evil twin, saying that I only love myself if and when my skin is clear?

I’m afraid I have done the latter at least a little bit.

So what do we do? Will it away? Pretend it’s not there? Or just accept it? Is this a result of spiritual purging, or is it a test?

It’s funny, I keep getting this thought to WILL this away. To just be like, “Nope. Acne isn’t there. It’s not there. I’m fooling myself.” I really wonder if that would work. I don’t know why it keeps popping into my head, but it does. I know I won’t pretend it’s not there, because it hurts just to look in the mirror lately, and I am taking all of this action to rid it out of my life and prevent it in the future.

My skin has never been this bad, actually, EVER. I am 25. This shouldn’t be happening. I’ve also never been this evolved. Are the two connected I wonder? Or is it hormones? We’ll see.

I don’t know if I can accept it, because I just want it to be gone so badly I will do almost anything to get rid of it. I’ve become more frustrated but also more patient. This where the respect comes in. I have to respect my body and that it is sending me a message, a warning sign. Something isn’t right.

In the past month, week, 2 days, I have more fully committed to myself. It already feels good. My patience for myself has grown, my love for myself has grown (although here comes that doubt: “has it really, Sam?” Why is that voice there?), and I’m more committed than ever to do the things that feel good and that are good for me.

I respect my self, my body, my spirit, my higher self, and my intuition.

I declare here and now that I love myself, acne and all. I love every part of me. Every single centimeter. I am whole and beautiful on my own. No more comparisons and judgments. I may cringe when I look in the mirror, and I will check and forgive myself for that.

When you commit to yourself, everything gets better. Aside from acne, a lot of amazing things are happening in my life right now, but I don’t want to hold back or prevent those and more wonderful things because of my skin and insecurity any longer. As I sink into myself, my skin will clear. I embrace myself and all love. I am open to receive and benefit from this wisdom and knowledge.

I wish anyone struggling with anything similar the best in their journey and all of the love.

We got this.