It’s never dull when you’re a stay-at-home parent of a toddler. Their brutal honesty and curiosity to understand the strange and scary world is both breathtaking and humbling, especially when they offer their perspective of your daily life.

My son is 3 years-old. He’s a vibrant and boisterous soul with a passion for learning and exploring, soaking up as much information as he can.

He’s the youngest of three boys though circumstance has made him an only child for 11 months while our family rebuilds the shambles of our life.

The undoing is a story for another day. It’s been a long road. One that he has lived with happiness and joy, always smiling and making the best of our unstable existence. Recently though, he’s made it clear how he sees his father and I; and what our relationship looks like on the outside.

Pretending to be his father he drives the truck, handing me a fake pack of cigarettes before saying he has to go to work. I ask for a kiss.

“No, I’m daddy, you don’t kiss me.”

He proceeds to pretend to buckle up and once again heads to work. He’s driving on the right side of a queen sized bed; the seatbelt his baby choo-choo blanket.

He’s raw in his portrayal of his father. With a furrowed brow he’s muttering under his breath about the driver in front of him (the cat).

Without missing a beat he looks at me with a smile and says;

“I don’t understand you.”

Revving a fake engine he pretends again to drive away. This is how he sees us. It’s sad and an eye opener when a child understand the loveless relationship his parents share. Together out of necessity and not want.

His fear of me leaving him alone creeps into my mind, he’s never far from Mommy. Daddy is great but mommy means nourishment and love. Mommy provides a smile and new adventures. Daddy goes to work and lives in his truck. Daddy is great, Mommy is life.

This revelation is both depressing and envigorationg to me. A reminder of the time and energy put into keeping him happy in world of turmoil and confusion.

His sweet reminder of how rewarding it is for me, being a mother to him and his brothers.

It’s been trying for me and stressful but now I can’t imagine not being with him each day.

He’s the fire under my ass to be better overall in life and now I’m ready to make it happen. These precious moments of honesty are the things I cherish most. Now to get my shit together and change his view.

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