Faking it: Trying to be an adult

I’ve worked in a corporate communications office for five weeks now. I’ve learned a lot, made some mistakes, but more than anything, I’ve learned how to act like an adult and all I can hope is that nobody notices I have no fucking idea what I’m doing.

Google first, ask questions second, bullshit third

So far, I’ve been written tw0 articles for my boss that I’ve literally had no clue where to even start. Anything with technology or technical terms for planes? No clue. Turns out, Google is the digital version of Jesus. Google Loves You… but not as much as you should love Google.

Wear Heels

The simplest thing in the world… I wear heels to work so when I meet new people they think I am a grown-up. For the first week I couldn’t walk. Now, I can last a day in the airport in heels AND I’ve noticed if I dress well, people assume I’m smarter, more confident and usually people bother me about stupid shit less because they assume I’m more important than I am. Heels rock.

Sometimes I play with the airplanes that decorate my cubicle…. just an outlet to be weird and look like I’m busy…

Nod your head

In meetings I nod my head. Not because I agree, or know what I’m even nodding to, but because then people don’t ask me questions or look at me like a lost child.

Someone asks you if you’re on board? Nod. Just say yes to everything and figure out how to do it later.

Have a glass

Pour yourself the biggest glass of wine when you get home. I don’t care if it’s not healthy — wine to relax is a savior. I know some people go running, but I’ll save that for a truly traumatic day. Get home. Open a bottle. Finish the bottle. Go to sleep. Repeat. Maybe then you’ll stay sane in the corporate world.

Editor’s Note: Don’t get me wrong, I love my job and I’m sure at some point I’ll write about how much I love it. But that doesn’t change the fact that 80% of the time I have no fucking idea what I’m doing. But really, does anyone?

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