And surprised everyone else is too.
I have spent my adult life trying to have it all. I work full time, I go to school full time, and I attempt to relax every once and a while. Please note how I did not include my social life. That fell off my priority list a long time ago. I see my friends as often as I can, but a lot of them are long distance relationships.
I have lived by the belief that competent and successful adults do absolutely everything themselves, without ever asking for help. Turns out, that’s a big fat lie! This belief has gotten in my way on many different occasions and in many different ways. Most obviously though, I have found that my belief that I needed to be a completely self-sufficient adult has chipped away at my self-esteem over time. This consequently has caused me to pull away from most of my friends, as I did not want to bother them with my problems.
The result had left me a shell of my former self, full of self-doubt and constant anxiety. I felt terribly alone, regardless of my incredible support system (seriously, I could not survive without this group of wonderful humans) and my future felt uncertain. I will not bore you with the details of my struggle, but I will tell you that finding out other people my age were this lost has changed everything for me.
I went to coffee with a friend from high school, and we commiserated over our school struggles and the difficulty of finding a job. Hearing that someone I had always respected, and saw as very successful, was struggling as much as me was incredibly comforting. She shared with me her fears, and how she felt she was the only one struggling. I believe we both left the coffee shop that day feeling a little bit less alone.
Enter my blog.
Ever since I had the realization that my joints were too bad for a long-term baking career, I have struggled to figure out what I want to do with my life. I have a lot of interests, but they do not really mesh together. I decided it was time to ask for help. My school has a career coach program and during my first video chat with my career coach, we discussed my interests outside of school and what I liked in relation to my degree (I’m a communication major for the record). In order to combine all of my interests and get more writing experience, Renee suggested I start a baking blog. Well, I have taken that in a slightly more broad direction.
Although the blog has inspired me to be more myself than I have been in a long time and to share this person with the world, I have found that it adds yet another responsibility to my plate. This morning I realized that my blog was a month old, and this is only my third post. This was a disappointment to me, as I had hoped to do one post a week at minimum.
Enter the third factor in this overly long personal post, is a high school classmate who recently reentered my life. She has encountered a similar predicament to me, her initial career choice was just not working out. She is currently working part-time, looking for a second part-time job, and working to build her own business on the side. This classmate also found that she was not living her fullest life because she as concerned with the opinions of others and how her life looked in comparison with others. She learned that you cannot live your life in fear, that you have to be yourself and follow your joy. Every Facebook post from her is a love letter to staying positive, self-love, and working hard. Her openness inspires me, and is the reason for this post.
I have found that learning other people are just as overwhelmed as I am and just as lost, has lifted some of the weight off my shoulders. Asking for help is not a bad thing if you truly need it. You do not have to do everything alone.
You are not alone in your struggle, you are not alone in your fear and in your doubt.