The Five People You Meet In Belize
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Though there may be the Kriol to English dictionary and the ever popular Ping Wing Juk Mi, I find that there is a big empty space where a lot of Belizean literature should be. Because of this Belizean fiction situation, or lack-there-of, I’m not surprised that no one has written what I am about to write, but I’m more than certain that anyone who reads this will report to thinking it more than a few times. Without further ado, I present to you a field guide on Belizeans; the Five People You Meet In Belize
First we will speak about the ever-present and ever popular to talk about; the Kruffy (also spelled Cruffy, Kruffi, Cruffi, etc). More often than not, the Kruffy is proud to be exactly what he/she is. In fact, most Kruffies will call themselves Kruffy. But there hangs the question; what makes one a Kruffy? It is commonly astute to that the Kruffy as it is said is “interfering” (or intafasting depending on the source). This, to me, summons up the picture of an older heavy set woman by her clothes line listening in on her neighbors conversation, but hey, that’s just me. If we’re using the BelizeanLinkUp twitter account as any sort of reference it is also said that the Kruffy will “iron ih Carnival clothes from August” and “mek a CD with Popcaan, Kartel, Mavada, Usher, Mariah Carey and Luther Vandross”, but these are the kind of jokes you will only understand after you have met someone you could appropriately call “Kruffy”. A Kruffy is the person you see at club on a Friday night wearing purple skinny jeans, purple shoes, purple hat, purple streak in their hair and a white shirt. The Kruffy is obnoxious, the Kruffy is loud but above all the Kruffy is Belizean. Though pride in ones country is not a secularly Kruffy trait, it is a prerequisite for the classification Kruffy. Although they may travel to “fa-ren” a few times a year to purchase clothing that they will invariably wear without removing the tags, they always come home to Belize, and they’re always happy to be right here.
The next person we will observe is the Belizean Celebrity. These are the people that may or may not have done something worthwhile with their lives, but nonetheless have ended up in Belize and have proceeded to think far too highly of themselves. This imagined self worth invariably leads to books being published, shows being put on, all generally under the facade of “art”. The Belizean “Artist” (be careful to remember the quotation marks around the word “artist”) very often will fall under the category of the Belizean Celebrity, for this reason, though the Belizean Celebrity is not always a Belizean “artist”.These people will, for obvious attention grabbing reasons, have a very active facebook/twitter account on which they will perpetuate their self-aggrandizement. I’ve said it several times and I will say it here, this sort of person is, to me, the Belizean equivalent of Paris Hilton; they’ve never done anything to justify the attention that they get, even though they may have once, long ago say, written a book, or taken a photograph, or been on the news, the attention they receive is more than a surplus from that one activity could ever warrant. (There is a sub category of this known as the Belizean Teenage Celebrity, but that we wont address just yet.) This, however, brings me to the next type of person we’ll speak about.
The Belizean Photgrapher. The Belizean Photographer is almost without fail, a teenager with an overpriced camera. There’s really not much more I can say about this subject other than that anyone with a facebook remembers that one period of time where every teenage girl with a camera had a fan page for her “photography”. The Belizean photographer, does, however, leave me with the perfect segue to the next sort of person I will address.
The Belizean “Model” has come to be any girl with a friend who has a camera, any girl who has a cell phone, any girl who wears clothes and may at any point in time have been photographed, really anyone who wants to call themselves a model. This trend has, across the grid, infuriated real Belizean fashion designers who have never heard of these girls and real Belizean models (read as girls and women who get paid to walk up a runway/be photographed in a designers clothing or girls and women who know you shouldn’t kimbo at the end of the runway thank you very much) who have, thanks to these “models”, henceforth been doomed to the question “yeah, you ‘model’ but what do you really do?”
Lastly, I’ll address the Belizean W.A.S.P. (W.A.S.P. is a reference to the white anglo-saxon protestants of the United States. This usually refers to affluent people in the New England area, but also whites of “old money” in other areas throughout the country). This type of person was more often than not, born into wealth in Belize, whether it be old money, or new money, they were born into it. And boy do they know it. This moniker does not address every wealthy person in Belize, and as we move on through the explanation, you will understand why. The Belizean W.A.S.P. will often own a house at St. Georges Caye, fly out to San Pedro for Costa Maya rather than take the boat, owns more than 3 pairs of Sperry’s and has a wardrobe that mainly consists of Abercrombie and Hollister clothing. To talk about the Belizean W.A.S.P.s personality is hedging a bet, because it’s about half and half. You’ll meet some that are the nicest people in the world, and then there are those who think know that they’re better than you. These are the sort of people you’ll see every weekend at Tavern and who each time have on a completely new outfit. Despite their wealth, oddly enough, they seem to have a penchant for cheap Belizean rum either in the form of the “panty rippa” or the time honored “rum and coke”.
That’s all the time I have for now, and yes, I know there are so many more different kinds of people in Belize, but five is all I could manage (for now?!). As you can see, our population is quite diverse. I hope you enjoyed!
