Things To Put In The Butthole Of The Voodoo Doll You Made Of Your Boss

We’ve all been there- one too many tiresome “feedback sessions” with the ol’ jefe, a few too many threats of “performance reviews” held over your head.

Workplace politics can be frustrating!

So much so that one night, you stay up until the witching hour to craft a simulacrum of your boss using their flaxen hair and the bark of the Devil’s Root plant you stole from the community garden down the block. You bind it with simple twine, and draw a fearful expression on its “face” in fitful charcoal, and set it on your nightstand for late night mischief-making.

Creating a device for astral projection of pain to your direct supervisor is a universal experience, so we’re here with the hottest items to plug in the makeshift anus sewn into the voodoo doll you made of your boss.

  1. Your finger
  2. Your friend’s finger
  3. Two of your fingers
  4. An ice cube
  5. An old, waxy earplug
  6. A tampon
  7. An unshucked ear of corn from the community garden
  8. Another voodoo doll’s finger
  9. A USB drive
  10. A frayed, live electric cable
  11. A band-aid
  12. A smearing of Neosporin
  13. A prescription bottle’s worth of pain pills
  14. A syringe full of some mysterious, life-giving fluid
  15. An apology note
  16. A white lily
  17. Ashes from the body of your boss after they succumbed to electrocution
  18. Pebbles and sand from the wake where the ashes were scattered
  19. Your own tears
  20. A tightly-rolled copy of your letter of promotion from HR
  21. All the money you’re making now that your boss is dead
  22. Pages from your diary filled with scrawled admissions of guilt
  23. Lit cigarettes that you’ve started smoking
  24. Hand sanitizer from the police station
  25. The end of the friendly judge’s gavel
  26. The subpoena letter for the voodoo expert
  27. Toilet paper from your jail cell
  28. Pebbles and gravel from the prison yard
  29. The key you hid in your own butthole before being brought in
  30. Blades of grass at the lake house, hidden up in the hills
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