when you (secretly) let go of someone, the pain can be intolerable. i welcomed this inevitable misery by watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. you know, for maximum effect.
cause the only thing worse than saying goodbye to someone you love is for you to do it in your head without him knowing its all goddamn happening.
as i have mentioned before, its a LONG process. it takes time. there are memories. there’s this thing called history. i sometimes wish that Lacuna, Inc. does exist so i don’t have to deal with this shit. so NO ONE will ever have to deal with this shit.
but love comes with the good and the bad. and this is definitely one of the bad parts.
like any other addict when the drug is discontinued, you go through a series of withdrawals. i’ve been through this before so it’s not new. though it never gets easier. if the love was ever real, it shouldn’t be.
my first stage is always “pushing people away.” so next week, i will be spending a lot of alone time with minimal human contact. just to clear my head. and also to avoid him at all costs. just for a little. while i piece myself back together.