On being diagnosed with ADHD — “Is it validating to hear that there *is* something wrong with you?”
Kind of.
It’s comforting — affirming, even— to know that, well, all those things you’re really shit at; those things you’ve always been really shit at no matter how hard you try: it’s not your fault.
The debt? The tardiness? The irritability? The overwhelm? The forgetfulness? The inadvertent ghosting?
Okay, it’s not entirely your fault. The cards have been stacked against you this whole time. I know, nobody said… Sorry.
It’s nice to have an explanation, a reason, that explains ‘all of that’. But you also don’t want to be seduced by the convenience of having that. You don’t want to get into the habit of making excuses or becoming even less disciplined.
It’s heartening to know that you’re not the only one.
It’s encouraging to know that — while people’s experiences of living with ADHD differ wildly from one another — millions of people have worked out how to manage the symptoms and, in some instances, fashion it to their advantage. There’s lots to learn.
It’s relieving to know it’s not something else. I’ll write another post about how we arrived at my diagnosis another time but I for one am thrilled it’s not what I feared it might be.
It’s frightening to be told that there’s a bit of your brain which is — for whatever reason — is under-developed? Or, that there’s an imbalance (of neurotransmitters). Why? I thought everything was fine — you know, structurally at least?
It’s chastening to learn that, statistically, you might not live as long.
Sorry, whut?
Yeh that’s right: your life expectancy has just dropped.
It’s frustrating to have a lifetime of strain whittled down to one thing. This is compounded by it being a relatively straightforward condition to manage, apparently.
It’s upsetting to think about the frustrations you may have unwittingly impressed upon your kids — either through normalising or encouraging certain behaviours, or genetically. Probably both.
It’s dispiriting. I suffer occasionally from (relatively mild) depressive episodes and bouts of anxiety, but I mostly maintain a pretty positive self-regard. There are things about myself I love, there are things I don’t — and I’m pretty sanguine about that. I see things differently and love that I do. I’m brilliant at solving sticky problems. Do my ‘unique perspective’ and ‘creative approach’ still belong to me — or to the condition?
It’s disheartening when people say, ‘Oh my god, I do that too! Maybe I should get myself checked out? Lol’. Yeh, you should. If it’s adversely impacting your day-to-day life, you absolutely should. It probably isn’t though — so the implication is that you’re making a fuss about nothing. Everyone struggles to prioritise and organise — that’s just life, right?
I don’t know if it’s validating, per se. There’s a sort of divining, predictive power in the diagnosis that’s quite empowering. It’s given me a lens through which to appraise decisions I’ve already made in my life — the good and the bad — and provided a helpful framework when considering future options.
That’s been my experience. I’d love to know if that resonates with others.
