MTA ANNOUNCEMENT

“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THIS IS YOUR CONDUCTOR SPEAKING THANK YOU FOR RIDING THE MTA. PLEASE DO NO BLOCK DOORS, EMERGENCY EXITS, BATTING CAGES, OR THE SLIDE IN THE MIDDLE. PLEASE BE ADVISED WE ARE BEING HELD IN THE MIDDLE OF A DARK, MOIST DANK CAVERN FOR NO APPARENT REASON THEY DON’T TELL ME SHIT AND I’M THE DAMNED CONDUCTOR. WE SHOULD BE MOVING IN A MATTER OF MINUTES? HOURS? MOONS? IT’S ALL THE SAME SINCE SHE LEFT. WE APOLOGIZE FOR ANY INCONVENIENCES YOU’RE CURRENTLY EXPERIENCING. IT’S PROBABLY A GOOD THING THE TRAIN ISN’T MOVING I TOOK A BUNCH OF SHROOMS AND NYQUIL THREE HOURS AGO AND I’VE JUST BEEN BLASTING SOME OLD SCHOOL TALKING HEADS AND LETTING THE BRIGHT TRAILS THAT RESEMBLE RIPPLES OF SUNSHINE DO THE STEERING. WE APOLOGIZE FOR ANY MELTING WALLS, DOWNERS, SMELLS, REFERENCES TO MOVIES OR PODCASTS THAT YOU’VE HAD TO PRETEND TO GET AROUND ‘”CERTAIN PEOPLE’S” FRIENDS. ONCE AGAIN WE ASK THAT WHEN THE DOORS OPEN YOU SPILL OUT LIKE THE LAKE OF DISGUSTING BILE THAT YOU ARE, HUMANITY. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE, WE SHOULD BE MOVING IN THE LENGTH OF A HOBBIT MOVIE. THIS PLACE IS A JOKE. I DON’T WEAR PANTS. THAT’S WHY I CONDUCT. I DON’T HAVE TO WEAR PANTS. YOU DO. BUT NO ONE CHECKS. MAN. CAN ANYONE ELSE FEEL TIME JUDGING THEM RIGHT NOW? THE MTA IS PROUD TO CALL NEW YORK HOME.”

One clap, two clap, three clap, forty?

By clapping more or less, you can signal to us which stories really stand out.