as a I lie in this at bed awake at 3am, I can’t help but rethink most of my decisions at this point in my life.
as the school year closes and I go over my academic choices, emotional stresses, and expectations I’ve set for myself, I realize and understand why I haven’t been pleased with myself. maybe I’ve become self-servient and so my idea of doing good to myself subliminal. it isn’t disappointment that consumes me, however, it’s the fact that I saw myself as a contender. as someone who was going to grow. these are end-of-the-year regrets but i understand sooner or later, I’ll be happy.
happy. isn’t that a convoluted word? happiness is this concept of joy and it’s supposed to embody the everyday human without understanding sadness. whether or not I’ll be happy in the position I have put myself, I vow to myself to let the threshold of mental anarchy overcome my better judgment. however, sadness, that comes and go in every human but the feeling has consumed me before in the form of a sophomore Sam but don’t let this say anything about me.