Asylum Dodgeball

A top Calais official has ruffled many a feather by suggesting that people seeking asylum in the UK should be able to do so in France, without having to step foot on British soil .

Am I the only person who thinks this makes sense? Surely anyone has the right to at least apply for asylum. What we have now is essentially a giant game of British bulldog, where we aim to restrict people from stepping foot into our country, to avoid the inconvenience of having to listen to their stories of persecution and hardship.

While we’re at it, maybe Home Secretary Amber Rudd should just challenge would-be refugees to a daily game of dodgeball. Rudd could stand on the white cliffs of Dover with one of Boris Johnson’s discarded water cannon, modified to propel novelty British-themed missiles across the channel. These could include jars of Marmite, or bath-bombs from Lush — anything with a strong aroma which will leave its mark on a hapless contestant, indicating that they have been hit.

Anyone sniped by one of these Ruddballs would have to turn round and go back to Calais, promising not to have another go at entering Britain for at least 24 hours.

Sure, this policy would be tasteless. However, Rudd’s predecessor as Home Secretary, Theresa May, sent those horrible ‘go home’ vans all over East London, and things have turned out pretty good for her, haven’t they?