Brexiters: Thank God, London’s OK

Brexiters from Southend to Stockport will be relieved to hear that Chinese investment in London has spiked, thanks to an enticingly low pound, caused by June’s referendum result. Many Leave voters had previously expressed concerns that the capital’s lure to foreign investors had been waning.

John from Warrington, was over the moon. “For too long now this country’s detestable metropolitan elite have ignored the issues that matter to normal, working people. Thank heavens for benevolent multinational property firms like Shengzen’s ABP, who have committed to regenerating London’s next financial and business district in the Royal Albert Dock. That is exactly why I voted Brexit. So that we could could stop dealing with greedy European bureaucrats, and open the door to greedy Chinese plutocrats.”

Single mum Joanna from Swansea agreed. “Too many times my eight year-old Daniel has woken up from nightmares about the vulnerability of Mayfair’s luxury home market. Now he sleeps like a baby, safe in the knowledge that Chinese purchases of upmarket London homes rose to 2.6 per cent of home transactions, up from 1.8 per cent the previous quarter. That’s according to Hampstead International, Daniel’s favourite North London estate agents. He has a poster of them above his bed.”

But it’s not just provincial Brexiteers who are delighted by this news.

“I voted Remain because I was worried that a Leave vote would burst the housing bubble,” said young professional Emma, from Shoreditch. “You know, the one that’s prevented my husband and me from becoming homeowners since we married twelve years ago? We feared that, in a post-Brexit Britain, new builds in London boroughs would actually be affordable for local residents. Now we know that was just scaremongering from Project Fear. If I had a time machine, I’d go back to June 23rd and put a big old X next to leave, for sure.”