7 Left Brutally Enchanted in Serial Killer’s Latest Slashing of Stereotypes

YUMA, AZ- In his latest homicidal exercise, Rodrick Humphrey once again left victims and witnesses alike brutally enchanted with the pre-murder hospitality that has grown to become a characteristic of his work.

Tending to his prospective victims’ every whim and desire before the ghastly events that were to later unfold, the ‘Sensible Slasher’ (as he has come to be known for his crowd-pleasing antics) served a home-made meal for the family consisting of coleslaw, potato salad, and girthy servings of actual human meat from his previous act of sociopathy.

“For a second there, I actually forgot he was going to dismember me and the girls later- I’ve never met anyone quite like him.”

So spoke Edna Marshall, mother of the 6 little women soothingly snuffed from existence by Humphrey, while struggling to form sentences with bubbles of blood streaming profusely from her recently-slit throat.

“You know, when I first got into this business, it really was about the murder for me- just the rush of knowing that you were playing God by giving yourself the power to wipe someone off the face of the planet. But, the more I did it, the more it became about the people, and letting the world know that not all serial killers are the same,” said a dementedly smiling Humphrey when asked about his motives.

Later, Marshall’s little girls- in an evident display of adorable infantile camera-shyness- gave nothing but sweetly timid gurgles of postmortem blood when their limbless corpses were approached for comment.