Advocate for Mediocrity

(And why YOU should be one too)

Unless you’re writing out a list of shit you won’t be doing today, don’t write out a list.
The Problem

You ever stop and ask yourself exactly why you’re miserable?

Because, let’s fucking face it- you are.

Otherwise, you wouldn’t be sifting through every goddamn click-bait self-help article on Medium, Facebook, and/or other sites that aren’t pornography centered (and hence, not worthy of your time).

Usually named with a misery attracting title like “15 ways you can fucky-fuck to a better you- TODAY,” works like these specialize in offering some sort of dependency or purpose to those people who don’t have sufficient testicles (popularly referred to as ‘enough balls’ in today’s society) to dip into their savings for a worthy way of buying their way to a non-deserved happiness (think; cocaine, heroin, specialized fetish videos tailored to your exact level of mental instability starring a Vietnamese pre-teen being held in a basement against her will). People like this (as I formerly was, and you probably still are) tend to find no trouble in looking down on those that have no fear of admitting the fucked up shit we’re into, while remaining reluctantly in denial of the fact that they attempt to fill the same voids with infinitely less effective supplements.

Gears grinding in the head of a self-help article reading cunt attempting to justify and/or correct their shittiness.

Ultimately, the bottom line is this:

The reason you’re miserable is because you’re trying way too fucking hard.

That’s it.

That’s all there is to it.

The Solution

You don’t need to re-read #13 on that list of fucky-fucks, you don’t need to talk about your feelings with a turtle-neck wearing fucktard who is eagerly awaiting the moment he can legally charge you for your own goddamn thoughts- no. You don’t need to do any of that shit.

Stop reading that sharticle (as affectionately named by yours truly), and stop feeding shovelfuls of your hard-earned money directly into the mouth of that homosexual-in-denial just to have him reassure you that ‘Everything is going to be okay.’

A face screaming to have a cock shoved into its mouth.

Because, you wanna know something? Things WON’T be okay. Not as long as you keep on living the shit life you’re living.

But, I promise you, there’s an easy, low-cost, extremely low (optimally non-existent) effort option that will get you living the life you WANT and DESERVE to live:

Lower your standards, stop trying, and give in to every twisted demand that your feeble body and mind are making.

As a matter of fact, forget about just lowering your standards. Get rid of them altogether, and watch everything start falling into a place happier than you ever could have imagined. And if you can’t imagine- well, fuck it. That’s what the drugs are for.

Results to be expected in the next 2–3 business weeks
A man to admire posing in full recognition of the fact that life is shit, but still managing to be much happier than your bitch ass.

Among the problems fixed after your conversion to the Right side of blissful livin’ are the following:

  1. Not having enough pussy/dick in your life-

Remember how sad it made you to have that pretty little bounce-house with the flawless complexion reject you for 5 straight years? Well, forget about that bitch. Your standards are gone now, buddy- and you couldn’t have picked a better time in American history to make the jump. An entirely new world of pussy is laid at your feet- endearingly dubbed by myself as ‘The 300+ Club.’ And, with morbid obesity on the rise thanks to political correctness making it social suicide to even hint at an over-weight individual that losing some of that fat might just be positive for their over-all health, the chompers keep chompin’, and the the sodas keep guzzlin’. Meaning that the more time passes, the more sexual partners are readily at your disposal. Additionally, statistics show that, once you’ve stopped giving a shit what your sexual partners look and smell like, possibilities are endlessly bountiful.

Statistics showing that the fatter and smellier your sexual partners are, the more endlessly bountiful your possibilities of fucking.

2. Never getting that big promotion-

This is another big one in the world of social sadness; people feeling blue over putting all that hard work into their corporate, soul-sucking occupations, and being met with nothing more than unappreciative bosses demanding even more out of them.

Depressed man in suit hiding a grimacing expression spurred on by years of corporate dick-taking.

Well, you can forget about all that, buster. You see, once you’ve enacted the no-standard, zero-ambition approach to life that we guarantee will help you become a fulfilled individual- you won’t even have a fucking job.

Happy man in suit standing to celebrate his first week of pain-free sitting in over 5 years.

And, with no alarm to prematurely wake you from all those nice dreams (the best and ONLY place to truly realize all of your fantasies), you’ll find that barricading yourself in the confinement of your mediocrity is the best decision you ever made.

3. Any other problems your depressing shit-sack of a life may have-


That’s it.

For any other problems you may encounter in your soon-to-be fulfilled life, there’s always a pipe, syringe, and/or balloon waiting to bring it all back to good ol’ creamy happiness.

Ingredients necessary to make a big ol’ happiness pie.

Now, I know what you’re thinking:

‘But, what happens when I run out of money?’

And, to that, there is only one thing to say:

Your next fix is always one mouthful of plump cock and/or rancid vagina away.

Ending Reflections

We’ve given you the tools, handyman. But, now it’s up to you to go out there and build your ideal world.

So, quit that job, fuck that pig, share that needle, and watch yourself happily be the worst and most fulfilled person you never pegged yourself for.

Soon to be your go-to expression for all things Life.
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