The Eighteenth Brumaire of Kid Rock

When it comes to the world of electoral punditry, speculation and analysis in America in 2017, there is only one thing that can be said for certain: nobody who deigns to comment on politics for a living has a goddamn clue about anything. The media class spent the past two years in a state of increasing certainty that Donald Trump could never become President of the United States; it seemed impossible that a reality TV star with no political experience running a white populist campaign could beat the literal avatar of the status quo. But Hillary Clinton lost, and every political rule has been turned upside down.
When I heard the news that Kid Rock was possibly planning a Senate run against incumbent Democrat Debbie Stabenow in Michigan, I found myself in deja vu. Everyone’s take was the same: he had to be joking, his campaign would just be a big media stunt, no one would take him seriously, his checkered past would catch up with him. These of course were the same defense mechanisms commentators stuttered ad nauseum about Donald Trump as he won the Republican primary easily and went on to defeat one of the most qualified politicians of all time. In the new postmodern metareality that is the age of Trump, Kid Rock cannot be written off as a candidate. Truthfully, he should probably be considered the frontrunner.
The Rock/Stabenow race mirrors the last election perfectly. Kid Rock, like Donald Trump, is a sleazy grifter from a privileged background whose campaign shallowly apes a working-class sensibility. Rock has no political experience and a lifetime of baggage that should be disqualifying. Like Trump, he is an embodiment of the naked concept of celebrity, more famous for his media persona than for anything he’s actually ever done. Debbie Stabenow, like Hillary Clinton, is the definition of a Washington insider and a career politician. She’s an affable moderate, somewhat popular and immensely more experienced than her opponent. This is a race we have seen before. What better state for a repeat of the 2016 election than Michigan, the heart of Clinton’s blue wall that shattered so easily?
In any functioning democracy, the idea of a celebrity politician would fill people with disgust. Representative government is supposed to work a certain way: people elect someone from their own ranks and entrust them to enact policies on their behalf. If they don’t like what that person does, they vote in someone else. Celebrity politicians don’t need the public to approve of their political agenda in order to be notable, and as prominent figures they don’t come from the same strata as most of their voters; as such they are inherently less accountable than a boring regular politician. People don’t vote for someone like Kid Rock because of his policy positions, because he has none. They’re voting for a brand that they feel represents them in some way, which is cult-of-personality politics that’s inherently a little authoritarian.
Michigan used to be the heart of the American labor movement, a multiracial progressive force that mobilized voters in their workplace and at the ballot box. But with labor’s demise — largely caused by another celebrity, Ronald Reagan — we’ve seen a broad depoliticization of the American public. Trump supporters are only a vocal minority; after all, Donald lost the popular vote and has record low approval ratings. But there’s nothing opposing them; the rest of the country is divided, atomized, and demoralized. Someone like Kid Rock could have an easy time falling ass-first into office.
Rather than embracing politics based on class interests, some liberals seem excited to copy the Trumpian model and run left-of-center celebrities for political office, too. Speculation has been swirling around Dwayne Johnson, Mark Zuckerberg, and Oprah Winfrey. In 30 years, I suppose the Senate will be made up of 99 c-list celebrities and a zombiefied Mitch McConnell.
The lanyard class has been quick to dismiss Kid Rock, but it’s hard to trust their opinions on anything. Yes, this is a man who once released a song that rhymes “trying different things” with “smoking funny things” and a musician whose breakthrough song is an ode to cunnilingus called “Yo-Da-Lin in the Valley.” But nothing anyone thought was true about politics or celebrity or the way people vote is still valid. We do not live in a universe with a functioning moral index. God is dead, truth is irrelevant and all that matters is will to power. Bawitdaba, baby.
