A true story about once being Sperm

It didn’t always used to be this way. We were sperm and egg not moments before all this. Not moments before all of this.

I remember, swimming up canals, and being late. Like, late for work and the freeway is jammed up, that kind of late. I knew I had one chance to make it through, to get to all this that I got going on now.

Yes, true, I had to use trickery at times to get ahead in the canal.

I hitchhiked for a few, rode backs, and made a few friends. We streamlined together, like the Pelaton in the Tour de France, and eventually, there was light at the end of it all. The ultimate golden egg. It was like a perfect circle, just sitting there.

We could all see it glistening in the event horizon.

I remember being exhausted, from the all the pushing and swimming, from all the passing and gliding by. The darkness was overwhelming at times, even. But I was determined to make it, to be seen, to see the light of day, to see this very day from which I speak to you now.

The funny thing is, at the last second, I remember this other kid pushing through trying to overtake my position in the pack. A red head he was. He was faster, stronger, but I was smarter, even then, before academics kicked in and student loans.

I remember, I stopped, which was an unusual thing to do in those days, and I turned around to face the on-coming crowd of angry swimmers coming my way, catching my way. We were in the gulf stream, all on equal footing. I knew the only way I would make it was to be smarter than the rest, to act freely and spontaneously.

So, without thinking twice more than that, I remember saying out loud, from my swimmer’s head, “Look a monkey!”, and almost all of them turned around to look, even if for half a second. And as they turned, I pushed forward. Kicked on. It gave me just enough of a lead to make the big push, the big jump, the big chill. It was mine. The perfect circle.

Yeah, sure, that was then and this is now. But I remember those days like yesterday. Yes sir, I do.

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