Breaking up after a long-term relationship left me feeling empty and alone, especially now living on my own for the first time in my life.
As a person who spends a lot of time using the internet for browsing, gaming, speaking with friends, watching videos and streams, it was infuriating when I was let down by the ISP, leaving me internet-less. I felt very lost during evenings and also during the day when I wasn’t at work, not knowing what to do with myself and it really didn’t help that I was in an unfurnished flat that seemed so overwhelming and isolating.
At every opportunity I would head to the nearest Costa, less than 20 minutes from mine, mainly to use their internet but also just to be around people and noise. I started taking my time walking home from work, as I didn’t have anything to rush back to anymore. This gave me a lot of time to think and reflect on what I wanted to do with my life from this point forward.
As anyone would, I googled how to move on from a break-up and how to get back on my own two feet again. Having nothing to do resulted in me spending too much of my mobile data watching videos of relationship experts giving advice on this subject. From their videos, it seems that a lot of individuals can still feel alone even when they’re surrounded by people in the busiest of places. Being with people doesn’t necessarily mean that you won’t feel out of place or that you will instantly feel important — So what makes us feel like we belong? — Out of all the videos I watched, they all had a common idea that through connections, meaningful connections with others, is the things that will make us feel more involved and not feel so alone in this world that we all share.
Not to go into too much detail, basically I stumbled upon this video “How To Skip the Small Talk and Connect With Anyone”, a TEDx speech by Kalina Silverman. She had an idea she wanted to experiment with, the idea of connecting with new people by having “deeper, meaningful conversations with them” instead of small talk (here’s the video). I found this video to be very powerful and emotional. In all honesty, it genuinely made me cry. I think it really hit me that we have such a limited time in this life and personally I feel like I haven’t achieved all that much during the 26 years of being alive. All of my family lives abroad and it feels like an infinite distance away. I have friends that I could depend on but since being in the relationship, I can admit that I have been distant and now feel disconnected from them. So to re-build from this, inspired by the Big Talk video, I want to set this project for myself:
- to reconnect with my friends, to find out more about them through deeper conversations and also through video interviews.
- to learn who I really am as a person, what I want to achieve and to question what I value in life through more of these written stories.
Looking back to when I first moved into the flat about a month ago, I am thankful that I didn’t have access to the internet from the start, otherwise I would have just fallen straight back into the same routine of coming home from work and sat playing computer games with friends. It would have been counter productive and I definitely would have wasted more time not doing something that will benefit my future.
To conclude this first story, I hope to continue this exploration and ask myself a “Big Talk” question each week. Using my new perspective to develop myself as a person, pursue my passions with a more focused mentality, to become carefree and to look at life with a more positive mindset.