The Journey Called Life
There was a time not very long ago where I thought of life as a linear journey. I’ve come to a place where everything I thought I believed about this linear journey is being challenged.
In the midpoint of my life I have come to realize that life is like the scribble of a child who has not yet learned how to write.
Up until the age of 40, I thought that I was writing my own story on this journey. That I was in charge of the narrative. It wasn’t until a series of painful decisions (where I saw the scribble) that it dawned on me that someone other than me was writing my story.
The Sovereign Storyteller
My story is no different than anyone yours. I want to be loved genuinely. Reciprocate that love to others. Leave my mark in the world. The problem is that I was doing all of that for the sake of making a name for myself. So it was all a performance. Sadly, I performed as a good husband, a good father, a good friend and pastor…
It wasn’t until everything imploded in my life that I began to see the truth about myself and the reality of the love and approval that I was desperately seeking.
It was at this point that I saw that God was penning a bestseller. One that would never hit the shelves of bookstores, but would display His mark on the good and bad parts of my life.
Pride would have me only want the good parts be in the storyline, but that wouldn’t be very true. This is true for all of us.
Wait, is that really me?
If you’ve never gone through a moment of brokenness, you live with a skewed view of yourself. You see, you and I have a way of seeing ourselves flawless. None of us would like to admit that, but that’s why we react when someone points out a flaw or weakness in our character.
We don’t realize how jaded we are…
Jaded by sin. Jaded by the sin of others in others in our lives. Jaded by failures. Jaded even by success.
This jadedness causes us to be anything but ourselves. It’s the cause of hiding who we really are. We get so good at it that we believe our own lies and try to hide from ourselves. Lastly, we believe we can hide from God Himself if that were possible. It’s not.
When you finally see yourself
When you finally see yourself for who you really are, it’s a scary sight. As a matter of fact, you’ll more than likely turn your face because you don’t like what you see. I know I did.
The comforting this is that it was in this moment of self-disgust, self-despair, that God was the most present in my life. When my own emotions were lying to me, He was present being truth, telling me who I was despite the ugliness I was seeing in the mirror of my life.
For the first time I was honest with Him and myself. It was as if Jesus was standing next to me surveying the chaos of my life with me and rather than condemning me, He simply said, yes, this is a mess but we’ll walk through this together and I’ll fix this and make you whole again.
A work in process
I have not arrived to a place of perfection. On the contrary. I feel like I do the Cha-Cha. Two steps forward and three steps back. I’ve come to the place where I realize that I’m all jacked up, but extremely loved by God. It’s a liberating place.
I can’t say that I don’t perform anymore. I will say that as soon as I catch myself performing I focus on His love for me, and the fact that He accepts me just as I am with the refusal to leave me that way.
The final chapter is already written
I do know how my story will end. Your story too, if you’ve put your trust in Jesus. It’ll end up with you being conformed to His image.
For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. — Romans 8:29