Hate or Love

I used “hate” as the beginning of the title because for me it seemed to come instinctly. For some, “love” comes so naturally. Their first language. Oh how I envy them.

I had to teach myself the act of forgiveness. I read about how to be friendly. I had to learn what it was to be human. That may seem pretty obvious to some. For me, I had no idea how to operate in society. Conscious of others. Conscious of myself. I had a lot of emotional damage. No self-awareness. Incapable and damaged. It is still hard sometimes. I fail often. Losing friends, family, professional relationships, and future business. Paranoid and fear-driven. Which turned to no self-control, bitterness, and hate. Love, I did not know.

I live in a world where hate is natural and love is a discipline. And it even seems that those who love are just choosing not to hate. Am I the only one that thinks that is backwards? Should would not love naturally and choose to hate?

“Love and hate” or “hate and not choosing to hate”.

I isolate often. Fearing human interaction. Not sure where that comes from. I have to make it a part of my schedule to meet with others to help me interact. I love getting to know people. I have to remind myself that we are people. My actions resembled robotic. Pre-programmed operating. Hate was all I knew. Sorry to the world for what I have contributed. My reason for wanting to change the world. What I can only describe as heaven on earth. One love.