There are few things that can shape a person so radically as addiction. Becoming dependent on something outside of yourself alters the way you view the world around you in a fundamental way. The process of addiction changes us, whether we seek alcohol, opioids, food, sex, or really anything else.
For the fortunate ones, relief comes. Somehow, they are able to escape their bonds and become free of their captor. Life should be great now, right? Unfortunately, this is not always the case (I’ll go as far as to say it usually is not). Most newly sober folks find themselves facing a new problem altogether: day-to-day life without the comfort of their vice. Those people were covering something up deep inside them. Maybe they were depressed, anxious, shy, or just had low self esteem. Maybe they had trauma in their lives. In any event, most addicts are running away; they are trying desperately to find solace any way they can. I later came to learn that all of us are running from something, and everyone has their own coping mechanisms, whatever form that might take.
All of us are running from something….
I found my solace in the bottom of a vodka bottle. As time went on, it would betray me, and I would find myself not only without its comfort, but now facing all my old demons without any defenses. So goes the process of poor self-medication. In the aftermath of recovery, I learned a great many lessons about my own life and about the greater picture beyond my drinking. I learned that fear motivates far too many of our thoughts and actions, but by changing the way we look at our lives we can find great power and overcome that fear.
Really, the lessons I learned in recovery weren’t about drinking at all — they were just valuable insights that anyone could benefit from. One of the most important things I learned is the value of giving back, and so, I’d like to share five ways addiction changed me and sculpted my outlook, in the hope that you too can find some of that wisdom.
1. Control is an Illusion
You may think you are in control of your life, but you aren’t. The reality of life is that we are constantly dependent on other people and things, whether we like it or not. All those employee of the month awards won’t stop your company from going under when a recession hits; marriage counseling won’t keep your partner from leaving you if you’ve truly grown apart; cars are equipped with a myriad of safety equipment, rigorously tested, and hundreds of traffic laws exist — but still we have car accidents.
We go about our lives pretending to exert control, and mostly just doing a lot of worrying. But, life is unpredictable, and try as we might, we cannot prepare for every uncertainty.
I thought I could manage my worries with alcohol. When I drank, it eased my mind and allowed me to forget about my fears. In that way, I felt I had control. But alcohol actually had control over me, and I would have been far happier had I shifted my perspective instead. Which leads to:
2. You Can Control Your Reactions
So if we can’t control life, how do we deal with the fear involved in living? How do we assuage our concerns and find confidence and happiness in the face of difficulty? The key lies in how we interpret the events of our lives. Whenever I’m facing a daunting situation, I take a moment to write down exactly what I’m worried about. By the time I’m done and actually read what I’ve written, I usually realize how ridiculous it is. This is important: we are conditioned to worry — it’s natural — but most of our doubts are not based out of true detriment to us. Instead, these feelings are aroused by fear, anger, jealousy, and a litany of other primal, distorted feelings.
Finding ways to remind yourself of this is essential. Every morning, write down the things you are worried about that day. Before you go to sleep, review them. You’ll overwhelmingly find that most of the concerns you had were unfounded; they were just baseless fears that had no real legs to stand on. The more you do this, the less your worry will affect you, and the more you’ll find yourself able to simply brush off those anxious thoughts.
3. Attitude is Everything
When I was a drunk, and even before that, it seemed like bad things always used to happen to me. It was often said that if I didn’t have bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all. Here’s another secret: there’s no such thing as luck. The people who are “unlucky” are just the ones who fail to maintain the right perspective. I was just so cynical that I couldn’t look past my own selfish prism and see the truth of the matter.
When my neighbor mowed the lawn while I tried to take a nap, I blamed him. But what if he really worked three jobs, and that was the only hour of the day he had to do chores around the house? When I was rejected from job interviews, I assumed it was because I failed to measure up. I never considered that maybe I had done well, but someone else was truly more deserving than me.
I was self-centered. It was all too easy to blame myself or others, when really the things that occurred to me were just happenstance. It wasn’t my neighbor’s fault for mowing the lawn while I tried to sleep, nor was it my fault that I hadn’t received those job offers. Some things simply are the way they are, and we would all be happier if we could learn to accept that instead of placing blame or trying to exert control.
In summary, you are not the things that happen to you. You can decide to view the events of your life as blessing and curses, or you can see them as lessons and opportunities. Choose to see the world as good. Choose to believe in the kindness of others. Choose to be happy. The more that you learn to cast aside fear and shift your perspective, the more joyful and assured of yourself you will become.
