The Complete History of Safari Books

2001 AD — In the year Stanley Kubrick rightfully predicted the usage of tablet PCs and interactions with abstract, technological superintelligences, Safari Books Online is launched. Leaping gazelles, polar bears, and charming bug-eyed marmosets confuse, amuse, and titillate engineers the world over.

2006 AD — Your 5 year-old niece finds a book with a rhinoceros on it, much to her excitement. She opens the book and begins crying spontaneously.

2014 AD — O’Reilly Media acquires Safari Books in its entirety. Random animals and dummies are a part of one happy publishing family. Every majestic animal known to a college freshman is now associated with some kind of for-profit computer language, fad framework, or otherwise obnoxious spec. No one remembers the MySpace music profile for the jam band you saw minuscule success with in the mid Aughties.

2015 AD — O’Reilly Media has exhausted all known recognizable animals for Safari book covers, and resorts to utilizing obscure invertebrates with suckers and pseudo-mobile poisonous fungi as book cover imagery. You sometimes have dreams at night that you've fallen in a river and Java brushes against your leg hair with a clammy appendage… a chilly breeze of the sinister deep.

2030 AD — After a decade of exclusively using diatoms for book cover art, O’Reilly Media contracts fantasy artists to imagine new animals so people who stumbled into a conference will know the books they are now reading are at least tangentially tech-related. “Ligers” are a thing again, if only briefly.

2035 AD — Books are no longer read, O’Reilly Media now merely inserts you into a virtual reality simulation of the Australian Outback. It is always sunny there, and tumbling cumulus clouds seem to resemble greats of programming epochs past. Whilst riding an Ostrich, you somehow feel more knowledgeable about JavaScript, the only language now spoken.

2040 AD — There are no more animals, even in the digital Australian Outback. O’Reilly Media publishes Extinct Lifeforms FOR DUMMIES just so people can remotely comprehend what level O’Reilly Media has been working on for millennia.

2041 AD — O’Reilly Media is gone. Animals are gone. You are gone. Dystopian Afterliving FOR DUMMIES is a raging success with the cybernetic ghosts of humankind.