Energy Engineers Design ‘Toilet Turbine’ To Convert The Kinetics Of Your Waste Into Electrical Power

SAN FRANCISCO — Forcing every trickle of urine from his recently overworked urethra, key investor, Marv Hoagie, bragged, “I’ve been powering my home for over a month without tapping into the power grid! I’ve only tapped into 78 cases of VOSS and flooded my kidneys to almost fatal levels!” Frisco Engineers have been praised by the Renewable Energy Association for their latest addition to the energy sector: Toilet Turbine. This revolutionary toilet sports a turbine that converts the kinetic energy from a commanding piss stream into electrical energy for your home. Their marketing tagline, “The dirtiest clean energy in the game,” perfectly encapsulates the functionality of Toilet Turbine, as it can be triggered not only with a marksman’s urine jet, but also with aqueous feculence and forceful & full-bodied flatulence (wind energy). Promising customer and toilet Snapchatter, Brad Kiplin, gushed to reporters, “I can plug my phone right into Toilet Turbine! So I never have to stop pooping to charge up! And I hate not pooping!” Some call Toilet Turbine a tasteless invention, asserting that boundaries should be set for energy, arguing, “those boundaries should come just before the restroom but just beyond dead polar bears.”


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