I was about 13 years old when she left. And to this day, she still lives about two-thousand miles away, on the island of Puerto Rico. I became quite mad at her when she left. I didn't understand why she was leaving me. She never told me why she was about to ruin the best relationship of my life. Time started to speed up once she told me she only had three weeks until she had to go. That wasn’t enough time to say good bye. I wanted more time; I needed more time. I just felt like I wasn’t ready to let her go.
About two months before she was gone, I was sitting down on one of the benches near the front of my church; and I heard some noise coming from the back. Noises usually came from the back, due to people constantly leaving and entering through the church’s rear-side doors. People would usually ignore the noise but, as a curious kid, I didn’t. I turned around to check out what it was, and it was her. I saw her walking in with a simple but pretty white dress on. As she was walking towards her seat, I thought to myself, “This girl isn't hot. This girl isn't pretty. She's simply beautiful.” That wasn't the first time I saw her; but, it was the first time I started to truly appreciate how beautiful she really was. I’m glad she didn’t see me when she came in, because I was staring at her for a solid ten seconds. Once you lay your eyes on something as beautiful as I did that day, you would never want to stop looking at it.
About ninety percent of the time I saw her, we were at church. I was really happy that my church had service three times a week. That meant that my day was brightened up at least three times every week. Three guaranteed smiles, three guaranteed laughs, three guaranteed blushes. Three new beautiful moments every single week. The time was getting closer. I knew that the next time I would go to church, she wasn’t going to be there anymore. But when that day came, I still went with the hope that just maybe, for some reason, she was still going to be there.
I never saw her again. She was gone. Gone for good. I felt like my whole life just flatlined. The person I looked forward to seeing and talking to every week is gone. The person I used to dress up for, was no longer there to giggle at the ridiculous outfits I wore, when trying to impress her. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to react; so, I started getting mad at her. I got mad because she left for no reason. All I knew was that she was gone and I was alone. I have never felt more alone in my life. My heart turned into a void.
Although she was gone, she never truly left my mind. I thought about her everyday. I thought about her, curly, brown hair; her beautiful green and grey eyes; her cute laugh, and her loving heart. Her laugh was something that really got to me; in a good way. In a word, it was simply: adorable. I was constantly mesmerized by her multicolored eyes every time she made eye contact with me. Whenever she smiled, she seemed to develop an uncanny twinkle in her eyes. Her eyes complimented her smile like I’ve never seen before. Although she had curly hair most of the time, her hair wasn't naturally curly. Whenever she straightened her hair; it seemed like I was looking at a whole new girl. It didn’t mattered what hairstyle she had; she always found a way to look beautiful; she didn't even need to try. She's one of those girls who were simply born with natural beauty. She’s the only person that has ever made me question the saying, “Nobody’s perfect.” Whenever she smiled, she would bring my heart to its knees. She was truly beautiful. One of the things I loved about her the most, was the fact that she never wore makeup; she never needed it. It's actually a good thing she never wore makeup, because if she did, my whole church would probably freak out.
I couldn't let her go. I really tried to stop thinking about her but, it was to no avail. How can you ever stop thinking about someone who was part of one of the biggest experiences of your life? You can't. I couldn't. There's many things people can easily get over. In my case, my first love definitely isn't one of them. It's kind of funny how, we don't truly appreciate something until we lose it. It’s truly devastating that I never realized how in love I was with her until two days after she left.
Love is something beautiful. Loving someone is even more beautiful. Although, it can also be something terrifying at the same time. Losing someone you love is one of the worst things you can possibly go through in life. Have it be, someone you love passing away or someone who really cared about, leaving you. Either way, a loss is a loss. That's why we need to cherish the moments we have with our loved ones while we still can.The world is full of surprises. Just know that not all surprises are good surprises.
The day after she left, I immediately started having regrets. I regretted not telling her how beautiful she was. I regretted not telling her how she really made me feel. I regretted a lot of things. But, now I realize that it’s not good to regret things like these. Experiences like these happened for a reason. Maybe she was in my life to show me what it meant to be in love at an early age. So that maybe in the future when I find love again, I don't make the same mistakes I made before, and let them wither away from my grasp.
A couple of months after she left, I began to have a different outlook at love and what it meant to be in love. She put me through an experience of a lifetime. Not all experiences are ones you want to live through; but, all experiences definitely have something you can take from them. Whether it’s a good experience or bad experience, both can definitely help you guide your life in the direction in which you want it to go. She was and still is one of the best thing that has ever happened to me. With all that being said, I want to say one more thing: Lana, I love you and thank you for everything. Thank you for that one year we spent together. Thank you for the very sucky but very important experience you put me through when you left. It wasn’t easy, but I learned a lot. Thank you so much for all our little moments.