Did Pick-up Hurt Genuine Conversation with Attractive Women?

Samy Felice
Nov 30, 2018 · 4 min read
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I have to get her number.

I wonder if I’ll be able to sleep with her tonight.

If I say this, then it won’t come across well.

These are the thoughts circling the average guy’s mind while he’s with an attractive women he’s just met.

These thoughts may be in the background — but they’re there.

And all because of one thing: the pressure to have sex.

The need to get bragging rights for making love with a beautiful women.

Not for a desire to make a genuine connection.

Or to share something true.

But to feel good about going inside.

And if he doesn’t have sex that night, then in a way, the night was a failure.

The Pick Up Industry Has Taught Us It’s all About Picking Up

But if picking up, means picking up pressure and the need to turn interactions into calculated moves and ‘game’ — then every conversation with a women is subliminally underlayed with the message of winning or losing.

Connection turns what could otherwise be meaningful into a chess game. And while we all do filter our conversations to what’s relevant in a situation, with an attractive women, we can end up manipulating our image to come across a certain way.

Instead of getting to know someone, to see if they’re even worth knowing intimately, we aim to get them in bed quickly.

We look to share the most intimate experience a human being can possibly have, not with someone we like, but with eye-candy.

A possible shared spiritual, mental, and emotional union turns into nothing more than a physical release.

And that’s fine, not everything has to be deep. But if this approach ends up making us seek nothing but sex, while increasing our anxiety — then it can become incredibly unhealthy.

The ‘Pedestal Effect’

Going out with the mentally of ‘picking up’ women, instantly creates a mental schema by which we navigate the world around us so that we determine which women we place on our conceptualized pedestal.

And when we place a women on a pedestal, they can sense it.

Due to the ‘pedestal effect’, they have no other option but to look down on us — which counterintuively makes us less attractive.

“I think we do people a great disservice by putting them on a pedastal and not allowing them to be human.” — Linda D.Thompson.

We do ourselves an even greater disservice when we place people on a pedestal.

Women Are Flawed Creatures Just Like the Rest of Us

When you go out with the sole aim of picking up beautiful women, it’s hard to see them clearly.

It’ll be hard to recognize that they’re flawed creatures. Who just like the rest of us, have their unique human experience — filled with failings, successes, and learnings.

We quite simply: objectify women into sex objects.

But women help do the dirty work for us, and objectify themselves too.

That doesn’t mean we should fall for the trap.

Is Beauty Important?

Beauty is by no means shallow.

It’s one of the highest qualities we can cultivate in our lives.

And if we don’t find the women we’re dating or in a relationship with beautiful, then how can we aspire to create beautiful lives?

Some might say the two are unrelated.

But we live in an interconnected world, and an interconnected life.

If one part of our life is compromised, every area of our lives will be affected.

Some might say that a women can be beautiful on the inside. But a women who’s beautiful on the outside as well as on the inside, is a women who isn’t compromised.

Some might that last sentence is provactive.

But beauty is subjective.

What’s The Solution?

Don’t try to sleep with women.

Let them try to sleep with you.

See if they’re worth your time.

Recognize that you’re the prize just as much as they are.

Don’t try to get them in bed.

Try to see if they want you.

If they do, then so be it.

If they don’t, then so be it.

What Should the Goal Be with Meeting Women If Its Not Having Immediate Sex?

Learning what you like and enjoy in a women’s personality.

That way, you can keep honing in on the character qualities you value. You can learn more about the kind of women you connect with.

This takes time.

Gradually, you’ll end up disqualifying or qualifying women based on what you like in a women’s character— despite their beauty.

You become a selective man.

A man who’s in control.

Instead of a man who’s controlled.

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