Leave Susan Sarandon Alone!

Last weekend I marched alongside Susan Sarandon at a Black Lives Matter protest. Together, we saw police apprehend two people (one black, one white) and submitted our images to a hoard of press photographers. She wore a sun hat and a low-cut shirt and, I’m ashamed to admit, I could not stop staring at her cleavage.

I realize now, it’s possible that, saved onto one of those press photographer’s SD cards, there’s a photo of me staring downward into the front of Susan Sarandon’s shirt. But you probably won’t see it, even if it gets published on TMZ. This week, all you’ll find if you Google “susan sarandon” is news about her refusal to support Hillary Clinton.

I support Hillary Clinton. Unlike Susan Sarandon, I think she’d make a good president; however, it is not the purpose of this essay to go into why. The purpose of this essay is to express my feeling that in addition to supporting one person’s ticket for President of the United States, I also support every other person’s freedom to choose whomever they chose to vote for.

Please, stop telling me how to vote.

I was never a Bernie supporter, and again, the reason why is not pertinent to this essay. I like Bernie and I think it’s impressive his campaign has made this much of an impact. I even came close to being a Bernie supporter once when I found out that Susan Sarandon had been to a few of his rallies.

I’ve had a crush on Susan Sarandon since I first watched Rocky Horror on VH1. She’s one of those rare actors who seems to only take parts she wants, and beyond that, she’s been able to keep her private life relatively private. I admire any artist who can keep their career separate from their private life.

Beyond that, Susan Sarandon is an activist. She gives a shit. That’s truly something, to give a shit, when giving a shit can put you in a dangerous place for your career.

All of this admiration (and this affinity in the pants area) makes me want to trust Susan Sarandon’s judgment more than anyone else’s. Which is why, when I found out that Susan was a Bernie supporter, for a brief moment I too considered getting behind him.

Thankfully, a moment later, my own judgment led me to think, “That’s no way to be. You can’t support a political candidate just because your celebrity crush from middle school says so.”

And I don’t think that’s just me. I think that all people have this same good judgment inside of them. It’s just a matter of waking it up.

I know I’m asking a lot of you when I demand that you stop telling me how to vote. But my hope is in telling you this that you will also stop telling other people how to vote. You won’t wake up other people’s good judgment by calling them names. Patton Oswalt has already called out members of the Never Vote for Hillary movement, and in the hilarious way that only Patton Oswalt can. So it’s my hope, perhaps selfishly, that this kind of calling out will come to an end and we will all start to realize that voting is a personal choice.

And you know what? I even support someone’s right to vote for Trump. A person who votes for Trump isn’t stupid or crazy. Perhaps I don’t agree with their judgment, but I don’t think I have the ability to change their mind. Do you really think a man who wears a “Make America Great Again” tank top is going to listen to you talk about universal healthcare and rights for undocumented workers?

Not even a hardcore Bernie fan wants to hear you list your potential Supreme Court justice nominees. They want to finish their falafel sandwich in peace.

I know this election is different and I know Trump is unlike any other Republican nominee we’ve ever had. But I’m not talking here about about the rise of ISIS or Obama’s neglect or the corruption in the DNC. This essay is about our spirit, which now is in danger more than anything. And much scarier than Trump himself is Trump’s spirit. The spirit of Trump says we should force people to think as we think. The spirit of Trump says we should close our ears and live separately from each other, and call each other names to add insult to injury. You must not confuse the spirit of Trump with Trump himself or even his supporters. In order to vanquish the spirit of Trump, we need to start listening to each other and allowing each other to be as we are.

If we can recognize the spirit of Trump, then we can build our own impenetrable wall against it, and even if the real Trump wins in November, we’ll have what we need to survive the next four years; or, actually, three years before the ice caps melt and we’re forced into nuclear winter and another ice age.

Do you think the real ice age will happen before they release another Ice Age movie? Just a random question to ask yourself today.

Thank you for reading my essay. I encourage you to vote for whomever you like to in November.