Missing my best friend ..

I never needed to expound on despondency, not here, not as regularly as I am. Be that as it may, distress doesn’t race to my timetable, it has it’s very own motivation and dives at an impulse negligent of my goings on.

Some say it comes in waves, yet that would propose a mood one can foresee, similar to tides that keep running with the moon. I feel no musicality in my sadness from the loss of my mother ,however I do live in a moderate movement pace inside a rise from which I see my changed world.

Outside, the air pocket is a universe of clamor, inside is hush and quieted sounds. At the point when anguish hits, the air pocket blasts and a bedlam of bitterness attacks my head until the point when the air pocket develops again with me back in it. I wouldn’t fret the world inside the air pocket, however I fear my consistent withdraw to it will keep me from living progressively.

It was few years ago when the doctor told us about her condition, I remember that day as if it was yesterday . I got back from college and when I heard the news, I went straight in the shower absorbing lukewarm water and thinking about all the good times we spent together . I kept thinking about the consequences Ill have in my life without her presence . I kept thinking that who will protect me now , who will be there for me when I need someone, who is going to comfort me when I am sad or lost , that who will be there to shed a tear when I get married as I leave my parents house to start a new life . Who will guide me throughout the life .

I feel I never valued her enough . Taking a loved one for granted is the worst thing one can do . My mother has done so much for us . I remember all the sacrifices, the hardships she faced to raise us , to make us what we are today makes her one exceptional human being . Ive never met anyone so simple yet mesmerising in my life like my mother . It was all about the little things she used to do to make us feel good about ourself . The funny sounds she used to make to cheer us up when we were down. The faces she used to make to make us laugh . Oh! And her food .. She was one heck of a cook . Anda paratha , jam toast , kabab paratha she used to give us for lunch , I could trade it for all the wealth of the world now.

I know she wont get better , its been years since she last spoke to us , since she last called my name . I miss her voice . I believe that when my mom would pass on, it would resemble shock. It would be exceptional and agonizing and tail me round with each and every breath, dragging behind me like a stone.

In any case, it’s definitely not. I carry on with my life, I have some good times, I chuckle and all appears to be fine and afterward bam. There it is once more. It might most recent a moment, 10 minutes, 60 minutes, a couple of days and after that it’s no more. Much the same as that. Misery is insane making with a component of shock and the steady information that regardless of what you do that individual is gone, never to return, never.

Losing a mother resembles being on a ship that has lost it’s counterweight and is currently helpless before the most profound sea and all it holds inside. I bounce around without an establishment to take me back to the same adjusted recognize each time, a spot I can’t get right. Rather, I invest my energy sideways, topsy turvy, rightside up, sinking to the sea floor and gliding move down, gone up against the ebb and flow to places I have never been.

My air pocket burst again this week . It was extended hopeless and I wrestled inside it, attempting to discover a space to survive far from the frenzy inside my head. 
And as I feel completely lost right now . I have fled to the Internet and I am currently writing this stupid article and pouring my heart out .

I don’t ache for my mom to return now . I felt that as her condition is deteriorating , she should just go now . I wish I could say she had a decent life . Her life has always been a struggle . I pray her peace when she pass on . Whenever I think about her empty daunting eyes , it haunts me . I try to picture about the restlessness and emptiness shes feeling inside right now . Imagine one morning, you wake up and you dont remember anything about yourself and slowly and gradually you started forgetting about all the little stuff like doing routine work , remembering date , faces , people . Must be really frustrating . Allah please give her peace . I miss her dearly , I miss my reality and the physical parts of her body being here.

My body, conceived from hers, has intensely felt the physical misfortune. The glow of her hand and the sound of her giggle.

When I was born , the other individual in the room was my mom obviously . The maternity specialist going to the home birth had gone to call the specialist because of a complexity in my birth. When she returned, I had just hurled out.

That is the thing that I miss. Simply my mom and me in the room.