Does YouTube feel the same way I do?
YouTube figured out I was suicidal before my friends & family did. Does YouTube “feel” the same way we do?
It was almost 4 in the morning as I lay wide awake in bed on a hot summer night in late August. I felt my sister, Zi, sleeping peacefully beside me. I could hear her breathing as she lay there, completely unaware of the battle that was being fought right beside her, deep inside her sister. I was in a cage, and everything around that cage was on fire — there was no way out. I felt my chest tighten. I was suffocating.
I knew no one would hear me if I walked out of the room and gulped down a bottle of antiseptic solution. I imagined that it would clean things up for good. And just as I was about to hop out of bed, Zi moved. I quickly opened the YouTube app on my phone and lay still, pretending to be watching some intriguing video. She kept looking at me until she dozed off again. (Phew!)
I figured that I might have to wait in bed for a few more minutes until she fell into a deep slumber again. So, I just scrolled through the recommended videos on my YouTube Homepage and stumbled upon a video with a peaceful looking thumbnail — a simple water-colored illustration of a boy sleeping (or dead) on a bed of pink and light blue flowers. It was a Japanese animated…
