I love being a nurse. There is something about the healing process that inspires me to go forward into situations where there can be chaos and where some patients will not recover. To go into homes and learn their family dynamics, see how they live and what has contributed to their illness. Taking time to teach them how to take their medications, properly change dressings, infuse IV solutions, administer insulin, and change their behaviors. And you can’t help but be inspired when a patient progresses and they are able to assume their own care. You form friendships, and have deep compassion for those who are dying.

Then there are those who are deemed non-compliant. Who won’t assume responsibility for their care. As much as you try to teach them, they don’t want to take care of themselves. It’s frustrating as you work to convey the understanding that if they won’t take care of their health issues, they will continue to decline. So after multiple attempts of trying to work with them and their families, if they will not show responsibility, you have no choice but to discharge them from care. You’re supposed to document the non-compliance, and walk away.

It was not unusual to see their obituary perhaps months or years later. And it always left me feeling horrible when I had to discharge a patient for non-compliance, because I wanted to help them.

As nurse you also try and heal those around you who aren’t your patients. Family and friends are all subject to your attention as you try to fix them just as if they were dependent on you for their healthcare. Yet sometimes, they don’t want your help. They are happy with things as they are, denying the real issues and ignoring the problem that you identified as you see the illness manifested. And just like with a non-compliant patient? You feel devastated.

You’re the one who has the knowledge about what it takes to correct an illness. Especially with an addiction. It’s all in the nursing plan of care that was drilled into your head in exacting detail. You can recite it from countless assignments on addiction you typed out meticulously. You know what needs to be done to initiate treatment, to stop the destructive behavior and start recovery. The problem is? You’re rendered helpless by someone who doesn’t want your help. They’re non-compliant to a treatment that they, themselves, know they need to start. And you know the end result.

It tears at your soul. Because if you love someone, it’s impossible to just walk away.