The Fear of Feedback — Why we all should take a chance to grow

Sandra Gerstaedt
Sep 3, 2018 · 3 min read

We all strive to be the best friend, the greatest colleague, the perfect son or daughter. We have a natural instinct of wanting to be liked, to be popular, to be someones favourite person. It makes us feel good, it’s just that simple.

Artist: D*Face // Photo: Sandra Gerstaedt

Especially in our work environment, we also have a high need for development and accomplishment. We want to learn new things, improve our skills, extend our knowledge. But how many do actually consider improving their social skills, admitting they might have some flaws here and there too?

It is easy to accept one is not a pro at Excel or Power Point (me), that we avoid public speaking cause it makes us so nervous and uncomfortable or that five articles and two books later we are still not so sure how the Blockchain works (also me). Maybe that is because we share these flaws with so many others, it is almost cool again to be part of that gang. Human beings have a weird habit of wanting to integrate with all the others but being unique at the same time. Just as every hipster is a member of the largest “fashion movement” but pretends to have the most individual style.

Now when it comes to receiving feedback and getting reviewed by our peers, we get this nervous feeling in our stomach, like something bad is going to happen. It is a little like waiting at the dentists office or writing the final exam in uni. Most of the time, people are quite aware of what is coming down that road. We know we didn’t reach that quarterly goal at work, we again ignored to wash the dishes at home and forgot our friends birthday. We don’t love being reminded of these failures but we are aware and can kind of accept them. Category can happen, file closed. But what if people were to review our social and soft skills? What if someone told us, our leadership style is bad, we fail to motivate our colleagues, we were not there when our friend needed us? This type of feedback hurts, making us look like a bad person, leaving a feeling of someone likes us less, we failed as a boss, as a friend, as a partner.

At work we introduced the term feedback is a gift and I thought it was a bit tacky. But to be honest, it really is. Once we overcome our fear of not winning the favourite person of the month award, we actually get the chance to improve. For the moment we might not be perfect but in the future we certainly can be. A little. Every feedback gives you the chance to change something for the better. Not necessarily to please others but to be the best version of yourself. Most of the time we are scared of things we already know, having somebody confirm our fears. But imagine that next time this issue is out of the way and others can even see you took that feedback seriously, how great will that feel?

There is a new culture of praise and positive feedback and reassurance. I do believe that this is an essential part of reviewing others, but I think we lost the ability to transport proper criticism. That it is inappropriate to tell someone they did a bad job, that we have different expectations, always avoiding the conflict. But in the end that will not help anyone and leave the world just as it is.

I can’t say I love being reviewed and judged, and whenever I see positive feedback from my team at work, it is a huge relief of course, leaving me with the they-love-me-glow and the boss-of-the-year-trophy. But I am not perfect, nobody is and here we gang up again, all of us share the same semi perfect personality. We are not alone and so it does not feel that bad anymore, does it?

In the end, feedback sets a great guideline and goals for each of us, making us even prouder once we develop new skills or habits, gaining a tiny boost of popularity on the way.

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