The Big Bang
This year started off with a bang.. I lost my job.
I had always considered myself as calculated, driven and focused. I imagined in life, I would get into a company, be great at my job and eventually progress far enough that I become indispensable. So I worked hard, went to college and graduate school, got a job and was almost content. I wouldn’t say I hated what I was doing but instead I hated the environment that I was in. I thought there could be a way to work through it and eventually be happy as this could easily have been a temporary situation and so I got better at my job.
Anyways, I got up on this gloomy Thursday morning (01–07–16), got to work as usual and received an unusually excited greeting from my boss who shortly after fired me. For the first time in what felt like a long time, I actually felt relieved. I wasn’t happy to have lost my job but I was glad I was no longer stuck. With all the pride left in me, I got up, grabbed my things and drove home. I said to myself, “well hey, this happens to be the start of the longest weekend of my life”. Once I was home, I felt a surge of frustration, left a few tear drops on my pillow and realized what was actually going on. I felt lost.
I felt lost because I didn’t know what to do. The world of unemployment was so quick to embrace me and I wasn’t entirely thrilled by the idea. A sense of relief still lingers as I have no one to report to but I face an even stronger sense of fear each day. A fear of losing control over where life was taking me. Immediately, I started brain storming on what I should do with my life… nothing came to mind. For a while I couldn’t figure out what my purpose in life was, I still haven’t entirely figured that part out. I have attempted picking up new things to do but occasionally the thought hits me.. “how did I end up here?”. This thought causes me to lose focus every time. Sometimes, I don’t even think I studied the right courses or followed my “passion” (which I’m still figuring out).
I would tell you though, in the midst of all this negativity, I have been able to figure out the type of career/life I want to have/live. Such that, in whatever career path I find myself in in the future, I have to be in a position to help others. I don’t know how or when I will get to that position in life but that’s the purpose I have to let guide my path going forward. I do know, however, that I have to learn to let go of the career paths I have always dreamed of having to allow myself embrace opportunities presented before me.
As of when I began writing this “note”, I wasn’t sure of the point of it, but as I wrote it out it hit me. I cannot let my situation define me, and neither should you. Find a way to better yourself, if at first it doesn’t work, keep trying. There’s nothing more important than being able to pick yourself up after a downfall. If you believe in what you are capable of, the sky is the limit. Your dreams may not come as soon as you’d like them to but with resilience, it will come unexpectedly. There is hope!