Attitudes, Perceptions And Pet Peeves

We all live a lie.

I was thinking about a person I work with that seems to have a problem with me. This person seems annoyed at my mere presence. It seems that there is nothing I can do that does not end up causing her displeasure.

In times like these, one would think that we all would be forgetting about pettiness and branding together, but one thing trouble does is demonstrate who you really are.

And thinking about this, my mind went to Old programming. When I was younger, my mother used to tell me that the reason that certain females, particularly black females had a problem with me, was because of jealousy.

This could very well be true. Typically, this issue would come up with females who had something to say about my features, my hair, or the way I speak.

I've been told things like, your nose is too straight and two small, your hair is too long, your lips are too small, and you speak proper English. I was told all these things when I was younger mostly, in my early twenties rolling into my thirties.

It's been a while since I've seen this sort of attitude coming from a black female. This is because I attempted to adapt somewhat to my environment. I learned a bit of slang and Ebonics and that helped others see me as more relatable.

However, I can't hide who I am. This woman with the ish, knows from team building activities we participated, that I am very Multicultural in my nationality.

This woman has also commented on my hair. Granted, she has an avid interest in doing hair or becoming a hairdresser. We tend to pay attention to things directly related to our passions. She has commented on the niceness or prettiness of my natural curls.

She's also noticed the versatility of how my hair can be styled, that I am able to 2 blow it out straight, or wear it a variety of ways in a very pretty natural curl. She's noticed the texture, the baby fine grade, and the thickness of my hair.

However, she also commented that I have, "white people hair," which is an ignorant statement she made in a manner like she was dismissing me.

Shortly thereafter, every and anything I do bothers her. Now, according to previous programming and experience, this is an indicator of jealousy.

She picks arguments and fights with me about stupid things; like where I placed an ice bag in the breakroom freezer.

Every time I have to enter her work area to perform responsibilities of my job; she tries to run me off with her nasty attitude. She's always telling me that she doesn't need me to do any filing.

I've noticed that she makes a lot of snide comments and demeaning remarks directed at me. For instance, I'm fairly quiet, whether I'm at work or just in general.

One remark she made recently, was that, "They need to hire more people with a personality." I'm the most recent hire, so naturally I knew that remark was directed at me.

So here I was reading a Tony Robbins book, the one on Ultimate Power; and God just slapped me in the face in two seconds with one word in that book.

The quote that I read that caused this to happen was this, "Our beliefs are specific, consistent organizational approaches to perception."

It was the word, "perception." Why?

As recently as a few days ago, I was contemplating how to deal with someone that I find a little annoying.

Not that this person has done me any wrong, but there’s some aspects of their personality that I find to be excessive. I feel like this person is well intentioned for the most part; but a bit extra with all this kinetic energy, and excessive hype.

"Extraness" annoys me.

Suddenly I saw the word perception, and I realized that this woman's problem with me, and my problem with this other person, are all perception issues.

What I've also realized is that I don't need to waste time attempting to change her perception of me.

However, I do need to spend time focusing on why my perception of the other person is what it is. I need to figure out why this other person annoys me so much.

This is especially true because part of my goal is:

"To be more less wrong today than I was yesterday." Ron Carpenter

The truth of the matter is, negative situations are not there to test you; but to prove you.

Do you know who you really are? What have you learned that will help you to manage or navigate this trial or situation? Who do you choose to be? Can you still sit in a place of contentment regardless of the challenge before you?

So I need to know what it is about this other person that annoys me. Why do I feel like this person is too extra?

Am I not enough?

Am I not striving hard enough to be excellent, and perhaps this person is?

Do I feel diminished around them? If so why?

It's a mindset issue that I need to understand and manage better. It's a state that I need to control.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I see certain things this person does as being unnecessarily excessive, and certain things they don't do as being extremely inconsiderate.

This means that I have issue with the fact that their focus it's not like mine. What they view as important it's not the same as me.

Recently, despite the inconsideration that I felt this individual; among others, was guilty of; I decided that I didn’t want to complain about it.

I decided that since I’m striving to work and do everything as unto the Lord, that I would strive to clean up their mess regardless, without resentment, judgment or complaint.

I also realized that there are things that someone else may consider to be important, or evidence of consideration or teamwork; that I fail to do or pay attention to as much myself.

I decided to become aware as much as possible to what my coworkers focus on, so that I can attempt to be more considerate myself.

If I change my state, and my perception about what I see, my mind will then be changed about who I see. After all, in some degree or at some level, we all live a lie.

For example, if you and I are at the same place, at the same time, and standing right next to each other, and we witness a traffic accident, our reports on the situation are going to be different.

Why? Because each of us is looking through a different filter, the filter of our own state and perceptions.

Understanding this, I don't want to walk through life getting into arguments or reacting to what my perception or your perception of the facts are; because the bottom line is that they will always be different.

This could never be more true now. In the day of pandemic, you should not be so glued to unreliable sources of information; such as Twitter and other forms of social media. Even the news media is not that reliable.

The best approach is to do what research you can on your own, but more importantly fully assess the situation for yourself. Stop relying on the opinions and assessments of others and do some for your own self and sanity.

It is not my responsibility to try to correct faults or imperfections in others, nor to change their minds.

It is more to fix, improve, or change what is in myself first, and then to those within my reach or scope of area; to gently influence regardless of who or what manifested the cause.

Furthermore, in order to better relate to my coworkers, I will suggest an activity in which each person will have the opportunity to give their opinion on what value they bring to their job.

Perhaps they can explain what they feel is the most important aspects of their job responsibilities; and why these are more important to them.

Receiving this feedback will help all of us become more conscious and possibly more considerate about our coworkers.

In this way, I may be able to flip the script on pet peeves with my coworkers. May we all become more sensitive and aware of others, and more considerate in the days ahead.