The Metamorphosis of Real Men
Boys and Men are amazing, but what is it we as families and cultures impose so directly on them that they are expected to morph into ‘Real Men’, that often doesn’t resemble their innate essence?
What’s innate essence? It is the qualities that are really obvious when children are little. It is the sweetness, tenderness, sensitivity, vulnerability and caring that little ones naturally are and share so very openly with each other. It seems there is no gender difference when it comes to these signs, everyone is equal and there are no roles being played – yet.
It is time to start talking about what has been a silent topic - the silencing of boys’ expression of their natural qualities, which are known as their feelings. There is a time when little boys are told to toughen up, be brave, encouraged to stop crying, and not be a woosey. In other words they are encouraged not to share their sensitivity or vulnerability, but to get out in the sporting or academic areas and get in amongst other boys to succeed and win, without another thought of the tenderness that is denied.
We suppress, deny, belt out, beat up on and humiliate boys and men to not feel all of the qualities that are innately part of them from birth. We ask them to replace with qualities we deem as desirable such as physical strength, masculinity, bravado, worldly success, recognition, being providers, being heroes etc.
Do we have any idea of the harm we are doing trying to create ‘Real Men’?
What if we were to deny them of their five senses or a physical aspect of their body in the belief we were making Real Men out of them? We wouldn’t of course because many of us live in ‘civilised’ countries. However such things happen in countries where a child is perceived as more valuable maimed because they have better prospects of surviving by begging. This is an atrocity that should never happen. There are human rites out cries over this and appropriately so.
However the injustice we impose on boys and men every day of their lives deprives them of their innate qualities of gorgeousness and tenderness, instead expecting them to live up to a created image of what it is to be Real Men. We then cry and blame them for not feeling what it is we want them to feel, when we want them to feel it.
This confusion we are wreaking on men is taking a toll on their well-being and it’s time to talk about this twisted game we play. Boys are very often led into who and what to be, depriving them of part of themselves that is actually a foundational support to their entire well-being. Their feeling senses are intrinsically connected and essential to their overall sense of well-being and without this essential supporting foundation men are experiencing mental health issues and resorting to suicide because they aren’t aware there is any other way. They feel they have failed in life when they haven’t lived up to roles they thought they had to live out.
It’s time to allow Boys and Men to be the natural tender, sensitive, all feeling human-beings they were born to be and not morph them with barbaric cultural ‘norms’ that are achieving nothing but heart ache, ill health and mental health issues. Honouring the innate qualities of young boys will support the return of the True Men we love and cherish.
