Slowly uttering out what I couldn’t…
Not too long ago, I was cursed with the inability to express my feelings, every time I felt either sad or angry, or even too happy, I convinced myself it was the hormones inside that were acting up, I had slowly began believing that I was possibly bipolar.
In fact what I am about to let loose out of my head now, I didn’t allow myself to even think about it, let alone talk about it, I wanted so bad to rid off all my emotions, I thought I needed to be an empty void. I was wrong.
Through life, I have experienced so much pain, I barely even noticed them. With every decision I made, to not cry, or to laugh of the pain, I was slowly being tortured inside. Growing up an only child you’ll think I had it easy, and maybe I did, to a certain extent that is. I have no regrets; I only have way too many dreams.
Have you ever thought to yourself, that probably those who are heartless now once cared too much? (Don’t try to answer it, it’s a rhetorical question.) I cried myself to sleep during my horrific years, and when I woke up in the morning I wore a fatal smile, and walked with my head high up, with no one knowing I played both sides of the chess game, I had slowly and unfortunately created a fantasy in everyone’s head of myself as a phantom of delight. My glory days now have fallen, and now I remain the widowed past aching for the solemn present.
Overtime change happens, I changed from the sunset to snow; beautiful but cold. Yes, we may live in worlds you’ll never see on screen, but at least these worlds exist, for some people have been cast into a spell of non-existence, and roam around- lost in a labyrinth of a world that doesn’t exist.
by Ifunaya Anyene