Why I’m Grateful for Being Trans
Serah Eley
392

My wife has expressed how hard this has been for her thus far, primarily due to grieving the loss of the man she married. I have not fully transitioned yet and do not present in the feminine, except for a handful of times for support meetings and therapy. But just seeing the pieces of me that have been locked away come forth and actually begin to overshadow the shell of the man that I created for society has been difficult for her.

Seeing my edges soften from HRT. I speak differently now without really trying, and I know I’ve started carrying myself differently, also without really trying. I’m just finally allowing myself to just…be. That has been hard for her, and I have struggled to understand her perspective. Hearing her say she’s grieving the loss of me has felt hurtful. But the other night I reflected on my past, on many of the things I’ve done and experiences I’ve had, and I actually grieved the loss of that for myself a bit. I don’t think I can ever completely empathize with what she is going through, nor can she do so with me, but I think I got a taste of it that night.

I haven’t arrived at that thankful, grateful place that you are yet, but it seems like it may be…reachable maybe someday. Thank you for sharing this.

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