Corporate America Will Do Literally Anything Other Than Paying You More

Photo by Josh Appel on Unsplash

Oh, LinkedIn. You treasure trove of information.

Got quiet quitters? Get the ‘guru’

In the blurb, we read:

“Workplace consultants are being paid hefty sums to help companies manage ‘quiet quitting,’ according to The Wall Street Journal. Some employers are so desperate (and inundated with messages offering help), they’re paying upwards of $15,000 a day to these ‘gurus.’ Accounting firm Ernst & Young isn’t only rolling out quarterly ‘pulse’ surveys, it’s also using external advisers to help assess lower-level employees’ views. ‘If a consultant can help leaders listen to their employees or decipher the data, that’s really important,’ says EY’s global DEI officer.” (emphasis mine)

$15,000 a day to some self-professed guru? If this were an SNL skit, it’d be hilarious.

Rather than pay our employees more money and genuinely listen to their feedback to us, we’d rather hire a consultant for $15K a day and listen to what they have to say to us instead.

I’m not the only one who sees it this way:

https://www.reddit.com/r/LateStageCapitalism/comments/xx6bjg/the_gurus_who_say_they_can_make_quiet_quitting/

Yes! Exactly!

The WSJ article that LI references is: “The Gurus Who Say They Can Make Quiet Quitting Disappear — for $15,000 a Day.

I will put on my Don Vito Corleone hat for a moment. I don’t begrudge anyone the chance to earn a living. Remember the meeting with Sollozzo? “It doesn’t make any difference to me what a man does for a living…” If someone wants to set out a shingle and claim to be an expert in how to combat quiet quitting, it’s whatever. You do you. What I find absurd about all of this is that Corporate America will do literally anything — including spending a crazy amount of money — to avoid doing the simplest possible things. Such as:

Why do these things when we could hire an overpriced consultant instead?

From the WSJ article:

“His name is Dean Lindsay, though that’s not what he goes by on LinkedIn. ‘Quiet Quitting Keynote Speaker’ is this search-savvy consultant’s new moniker, and he says it’s helping him get hired — at $10,000 to $15,000 a day — by companies sweating the latest buzzy term for employee disengagement.

Mr. Lindsay, who has been advising businesses about corporate culture for two decades, says quiet quitting is closely related to burnout, work-life balance, stress management and other phenomena that came before. His prescriptions are largely the same, too.

When he saw the viral TikTok phrase had quickly migrated from social media to the C-suite, compelling many bosses to think about how to stop workers from checking out, he didn’t hesitate to rebrand, swapping out his name on LinkedIn for something catchy and of-the-moment.

‘I just jumped on it,’ he says.”

Oh, I’m sure he did. Never let a good corporate trend go to waste if you can make a buck off of it. 😣 I feel like this is also a good criticism of what LI has become these days.

“Rising Team, a Palo Alto, Calif., startup that sells camaraderie-building software designed to reduce quitting (quiet or otherwise), just closed a second venture-capital round, bringing total investments to $6 million.”

Camaraderie-building software? WTF? I mean… probably an unpopular opinion here, but speaking as an introvert with neurodiversity, let me say: IMO, true camaraderie comes from people not being backstabby buttholes to one another. I’ve worked in offices where everyone was so out for themselves and so fundamentally untrustworthy that being forced to run a sack race or play softball with them for “team building” was asinine. Like how Lady Macbeth says, “All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand.” All the exercises and forced socializing events in the world will not paper over a toxic company culture and/or a group of sharky people who all want to stab each other in the back. I mean, let’s be real.

“Ms. Murphy says companies wonder, ‘How do we get them connected and excited about the work that we’re doing?’…

Appealing to executives who are confounded by their greenest employees, Adam Owens left a steady human-resources job and started his own consulting operation this year. He bills himself as an unconventional alternative to competitors with Ivy League M.B.A.s and decades of experience. If you’re a Boomer or Gen Xer trying to figure out Gen Zers, he says, hire someone like him, a former philosophy major who dropped out of college in the aughts and built a career without the typical credentials.

Many young workers aren’t unmotivated, he adds, but they don’t necessarily measure success like their predecessors or do what they’re supposed to do in the eyes of others. He aims to help bosses understand what these employees really care about.”

🤣

That reminds me so much of the Steve Buscemi meme: “How do you do, fellow kids?”

Like, I expect that guy to ride up on a skateboard dressed like we did in the 90s (I’m picturing a flannel shirt and those huge JNCO jeans) and say, “How do you do, fellow Zers?” 😆 “…a former philosophy major who dropped out of college in the aughts and built a career without the typical credentials.” I guess they toss that factoid in there to seem edgy. Meanwhile, A LOT of successful entrepreneurs have created a business without “typical credentials.” With college attendance declining, I’m not even sure what typical credentials would be nowadays, unless you refer to having rich parents and being able to “bootstrap” yourself with their money.

Questioning what older generations have considered success is a wise thing. It’s not something to fear or shy away from. I feel like the old school dream of retiring with a secure pension and a gold watch died for us Xers and required us to step away from the “work for the same company for 30 years and they’ll take care of ya in old age” model. Regardless of generation, employees who don’t want to be available 24/7 shouldn’t have to be. If someone wants to answer a business call at 7pm, cool. If someone doesn’t, cool. Why that has to be such a big issue, I dunno.

And why such basic questions require a $15K per day consultant to roll up on a skateboard I really don’t understand.

“The things that pass for knowledge I can’t understand…” 🎶
-“Reelin’ In the Years,” Steely Dan

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You can find my blog here: https://causeyconsultingllc.com/the-blog/

And my podcast here: https://causeyconsulting.buzzsprout.com

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Sara Causey

Staffing & Recruiting SME. Owner of Causey Consulting LLC. Proud introvert/INFJ. Bookworm. Podcaster. No nonsense.