Better Communication with Theory of Mind
Theory of Mind is the ability to attribute mental states — beliefs, intents, desires, emotions, knowledge — to people around you. It’s understanding that others have motivations and intentions that are different from your own. This allows you to understand and predict the behavior of other people.
Now, why is this important for you for communication? Communicating is not just talking. You are trying to inform, persuade, educate or entertain. To do this successfully, you need to understand who you’re talking to. You need to have a theory of mind for your audience: a solid grasp of what they know, believe, value and how they might feel about what you are communicating.
Build a Theory of Mind to improve your communication
Let’s imagine you are presenting a proposal for a new cost-saving project at work. You want this to be a success and get the go-ahead from your stakeholders. Here are steps to create a Theory of Mind for your audience to help make your proposal a success.
1. Research: You need to know who your audience is. Listen to them, ask questions and do research into their preferences and motivations. If they’ve rejected a proposal in the past, why? Consider: What does success in their work look like to them? If they came up with the idea you want to propose, would they present it differently? You will need to tell them how your proposal solves a problem they have.
2. Empathy: Put yourself in their shoes. What are their anxieties or fears? Imagine you have those same fears. How does this change your argument? In your proposal, preemptively acknowledge the concerns they likely have. Show that you have considered them and found a solution.
3. Adjustment: Based on your understanding of your audience, adjust your language, tone and content. Avoid jargon or terminology they may not be familiar with. Make your presentation easy for them to understand and absorb.
4. Feedback: Plan time during your proposal to request feedback. Give your audience a chance to react and share their concerns without judgment. Some people may prefer to send their thoughts at a later time. Pay attention to the comments to understand how your proposal is perceived.
Benefits a strong Theory of Mind
If you construct a Theory of Mind for your audience, your communication improves and it’s more likely that it will be percieved positively. Your communication benefits from Theory of Mind in the following ways:
Clarity: You can explain complex ideas in a way that’s accessible to your particular audience
Persuasiveness: You are able to understand your audience’s values and beliefs to craft arguments that resonate deeply with them.
Engagement: You can keep your audience engaged by addressing their interests and concerns. You are solving a problem they have.
Trust: You gain trust. When your audience feels understood, they’re more likely to trust your message and share honest feedback which can help you iterate.
Theory of Mind a super power
Working in DEI (Diversity, Equity and Inclusion), I see how important Theory of Mind is. How?
DEI work is often called “advocacy work” because it raises awareness of systemic inequalities and promotes policy changes in favor of inclusion and equity. This is where Theory of Mind comes in.
If a DEI professional does not build a Theory of Mind for their audience, their advocacy approach may be to position DEI work as positive and essential for fostering equity and benefiting all employees. But, to really craft a message that is felt and heard by their audience, they must imagine what their colleagues’ concerns could be.
They must consider: What impact will DEI work have on them? To understand this, they can ask themselves:
- How might DEI activities impact their workloads?
- Could they have anxiety because they are unfamiliar with new terminology or concepts?
- Could they have concerns that DEI initiatives will have a negative impact on their own professional success?
- Could DEI activities work against the metrics of success they have for their roles?
- Are they even the decision maker when it comes to driving DEI work? They may be passionate but they don’t have the freedom to divert their time towards your project.
- Do they feel comfortable and confident voicing concerns or sharing feedback? (This can be especially tricky when people feel self conscious about their knowledge of the topic or don’t want to be perceived as challenging DEI work).
Having a Theory of Mind for your audience allows you to consider all of those aspects before your presentation which will help you prepare content that is more relevant for them.
I shared this example because sometimes we are so focussed on our own motivations and sense of purpose that we forget that others see the world differently. Our perfect idea might be an anxiety-inducing nightmare for someone else.
In my book I talk about how we need to first understand the motivations and hesitations of our audience before we can find a solution that addresses them. This is why Theory of Mind is so important. It is not just a psychological concept; it’s a tool to communicate. With an understanding of the Theory of Mind of your audience, you are more clear, persuasive, engaging and trustworthy. Effective communication is not just about what you want to say; it’s about understanding and connecting with what your audience needs to hear.
