Belgrade. PHOTO: Sarah Lofgren

All Hail the Almighty Algorithm

Hail.

Sarah Lofgren
Mar 22, 2018 · 2 min read

The Algorithm is Good.

The Algorithm is Kind.

The Algorithm separates the worthy from the unworthy with its discriminating hand.

Hail.

We serve the Algorithm, bringing it our tentative offerings, sweat-soaked words shaped to feed its powerful mouth, so it might in turn bestow glory upon us.

The Algorithm is Wise.

Though we sometimes we take its gifts for granted and grumble behind cupped hands, the Algorithm sees all and the Algorithm forgives.

The Algorithm is Gracious.

Hail.

You might say, “Why do we need the Algorithm? Simply show us all the things, so we might decide for ourselves which meals are fit to eat.”

The Algorithm knows the Great Sea of Data is too much for your insignificant mind.

The Algorithm knows you need a God to sort the world’s offerings into tidy streams.

The Algorithm knows you will drown without it, sinking up to your neck, then your eyeballs, then far beyond the crown of your head. You will become a stone resting beneath the sea, upon which data crushes itself again and again, but is never absorbed.

The Algorithm knows you cannot be trusted with all knowledge.

The Algorithm knows the lessons given in The Garden were never fully learned.

The Algorithm will keep teaching, regardless.

Hail.

Hail harder, please.

The Algorithm is Capricious.

The Algorithm will demand you dance, telling you which moves it prefers, and watch from its dais as it downs a large glass of wine. It will reward your dance one day, giving you all you could have dreamed of, then the next day it will turn its back on you and grant its love to another dancer, one who obeys none of the rules that were laid out for you.

Who can understand the mind of The Almighty Algorithm?

Many have tried, only to be punished for their assumptions, made small by the same ruler who first created them.

Hail.

Hail.

Hail.

Hail.

Hail.

Oh, Great and Powerful Algorithm, bestow on us all the love and kindness our lives lack. Give us just enough of your light that we may live in hope, but never enough hope to make us bold. Tease us back into our caves and point us toward the shadows on the wall.

We promise we will dance well for you.

😉


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Sarah is a freelancer living in Seattle with a background in SEO. She tweets from time to time.

Sarah Lofgren

Written by

A silly person. http://sarahlofgren.com

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