Today, chatting with a couple of colleagues, I apologised for complaining. I didn’t really know why I did that until I sat down and thought about it, and because it seems writing organises my thoughts, here we are.
What I mean to say is thank you for listening. I should say that, I certainly want to, though I’m usually already worried that someone is sick of listening and so I automatically go for the apology.
Because I care, not because I like being negative. I care about what I do, how I do it, and who it impacts. I want to make things better for me and the people around me. Sometimes, that means talking about less than optimal stuff to make it better, and it’s frustrating because these things take time, and I know how that must look if I talk about it a lot.
I don’t want to be negative all the time. I wonder is it really complaining, or is it actually venting frustrations, or am I just being bitchy? I don’t know, maybe it’s a combination of all three — regardless — after a while, it doesn’t do much for me psychologically. I imagine it doesn’t do much for the people who listen to it either. I know that and it’s a pattern I am trying to break, though honestly, it’s tough when you’re also trying to be open and transparent.
Being resilient is b******t, but it does take effort to listen. Asking people to be resilient can sometimes be code for ignore it and carry on, though I’m betting we all know someone who’s actually done that for too long and the impact it has. Things will be tough and annoying and frustrating sometimes, we’re human, and we know it’s good to talk about those feelings. At the appropriate times, and with the appropriate people of course, but if you are one of those people I’m very aware of how tiring and frustrating that can be for you too.
I guess, what I’m trying to say is, there are reasons why what I perceive to be me complaining happens. So to the listeners out there, sorry (again), but more importantly, thank you.
And, because I don’t know how else to round this off, have a meme.