A young girl with a daisy in her mouth is wearing her autumn jacket half-on and half-off.
Photo by Katsiaryna Endruszkiewicz at Unsplash

Greetings, Canadians and American Midwesterners! Congratulations on surviving another summer. Now that you’ve splurged on a brand-new autumn jacket and you’re ready to greet the outdoors as a welcome friend rather than a giant green, ragweed-shedding bull snorting lava out of its nostrils, we’ve developed a handy flowchart to help you decide whether it’s safe to wear your autumn jacket outside. Check it out:

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The game of Clue, box, pieces and cards sitting on a table
Photo by Alexander Lyashkov at Unsplash

New Murder Rooms

  • Home Gym
  • Mortuary
  • Walk-in Freezer/Tornado Shelter
  • Rubber Room
  • Big Bottom Room (aka the Mudroom)
  • Vomitorium
  • War Room
  • Home Office

New Weapons

  • Gas (both kinds)
  • Yellow 5
  • Hard Partying
  • Clothesline
  • Biting Wit
  • Subtext
  • Rinderpest
  • The Rhythm

New Characters

  • Gloria Estefan
  • Lord Elktrousers
  • Ernest Hemingway
  • Captain Shamrock
  • Count Chocula
  • Offensive Lineman Shiraz
  • DJ BigBoy Aubergine
  • British comedian Joe Lycett cosplaying a lemon Skittle
  • Leslie Nielsen

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Sarah Totton

Sarah Totton

Sarah Totton writes comedy and snorgles small mammals. She once gave a reading on a flatbed truck at a garden center to an audience of three ferns.