“How does it feel to still be single?”

“How does it feel to still be single?”

My teen daughter was asked this question by her very close friend after her friend got her first boyfriend. With sadness, she shared with me that the ensuing fight basically ended their friendship. That question was a flaming arrow, shot directly at my daughter’s heart.

You see, we do things differently than many.

My kids aren’t allowed to date until they’re at least 16. I encourage their singleness. I openly discourage becoming romantically attached to another human being during the early years of their lives. Instead, I help them to imagine all of the things they can do when they graduate high school: moving anywhere in the world, traveling through Europe, attending college, studying for a semester (or two!) abroad, and we talk about how romantic attachments can impede their dreams and plans. Some may say that’s “foolish,” “cold-hearted,” and “too strict,” but hear me out.

Any time a person is romantically involved with another human being, they begin to make important life choices based on what’s best for TWO people, rather than what’s best for the INDIVIDUAL. This is a given in a committed relationship, but kids, young teens — they aren’t mature enough to be making decisions like that for two people. Too easily, they can throw away opportunities to grow as an individual.

Instead of romanticizing with my kids about boyfriends and girlfriends NOW, I pray with them for their futures. We pray about their someday spouses, their plans after high school, the things that they can do, the options they’ll have, the choices they can make for *themselves*, because they’re not answering to someone they’re romantically involved with. That’s not to say that I encourage selfishness. Rather I nudge them to grow and mature as human beings first before they commit themselves to a relationship with someone else.

This leaves us with an awkward time as we approach Valentine’s Day and the older girls have close friends who are planning special days with their boyfriends and girlfriends. There was some lamenting about a lack of plans for this Sunday, and while my husband and I never celebrate Valentine’s Day, this year we will. We’re going to celebrate with our kids, and we’re going to celebrate their singleness. We’re going to have ice cream for breakfast and we’re going to have a special lunch, and they can have a box of chocolates that they don’t have to share with anyone. I’ll have a special little gift for each of them, and we’ll daydream about what their futures might look like someday, when they have a significant other, and we’ll pray for those people — for three future husbands who EXIST TODAY, and for one future wife — for their hearts, their choices, their salvation. We’ll have fun and we’ll thumb our noses at a society who pushes kids to become romantically involved at a young age.

I encourage those of you with unattached children to do the same, regardless of their age.

Before I go, I want to go back to that question: “How does it feel to be single?”

My answer? My daughter’s answer?

FREEDOM. It feels like FREEDOM to be single.