Finding the Path of Reconciliation
As mentioned by Spelman throughout her novel, there are various projects of repair, as well as different ways to practice these repair projects. Spelman states that,
“Humans seem everywhere and carelessly engaged in projects of
repair — nursing machines back to life, patching friendships,
devising paths of reconciliation for conflicting people” (Spelman 102).
Now, onto the idea of focusing on the idea of “devising paths of reconciliation…” I will be explaining in my writing how relationships can become damaged through personal experiences of youth in my everyday life, and how they come to find reconciliation. Now there are many types of damage that can arise in a relationship, and there are many different degrees of destruction that can come out of a dilemma between two people. Despite there being many possible problems that can arise between a couple, there are many solutions to these possible problems.
The definition of relationship is “the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected” as said by The English Oxford Dictionary. It is clearly stated that a relationship has to do with a connection; or connecting with another person. I’m almost certain a romantic relationship is the first relationship that came to mind when reading my introductory paragraph. The connection between significant others is a bond that commonly needs help since it’s such a strong bond between two people. Affection… physically, mentally, and emotionally is what makes love, love.
Love is the most overwhelmingly powerful force known to mankind, and something so extreme has consequences counteracting the good force. As said by Heidi Burgess in her article Damaged or Destroyed Relationships, “Damage to relationships is almost inevitable in intractable conflicts”.
The simple fact she is providing is that damage in a relationship is unavoidable and there is truly no way to avoid it.
Now, there is most definitely different levels of damage that can come about. I’d like to look at it in the sense of scrapes, wounds, and scars
In the 6th grade, my friend Cameron told me his girlfriend, Samantha, was swinging on the swing set with another boy in our class. I remember him being upset and I remember seeing his face in pain as he told me this tragedy that was unfolding upon him. The next day Cameron came up to me and told me that Samantha didn’t know she was hurting him, that she was just talking to a friend in her class. Samantha didn’t know the effect she was having on Cameron by her actions. This scraped Cameron, it was a fall on the knee that hurt very much immediately, but after a day or so, hurt significantly less. Samantha talking to Cameron led him to a sense of knowing she didn’t hurt him intentionally. Scrapes can leave a mark for a few weeks but can be easily overlooked. It will hurt slightly when you see the mark, but soon enough it will fade.
During my Senior Year one of my best friends, Shannon, told me her boyfriend was joining the army. I remember her telling me, “Sarah I’m so proud yet so scared. This is what he wants to do, but I want him to be safe. I don’t want to sound selfish but I know I’ll miss him.” The initial pain of her boyfriend, Bryan, leaving for the army put Shannon into shock. She could barely eat, walk, talk, sleep. She had dark, black bags under her eyes at school. She would call me every day and cry, cry, and cry. It broke my heart to see her this way. I comforted her, told her everything would be okay in the end. A little more than a year later, Shannon got to see Bryan. She was ecstatic and suddenly all her wounds, closed up. She found the path of reconciliation as she was reunited with her boyfriend. She was wounded, but was able to be healed by seeing what left her wounded. The cause of her wounds lead to her healing, her own self-healing.
Earlier this year, my best friend Margot went through a breakup with her boyfriend of a year and half. He was mistreating her, being completely disrespectful to her. She kept that a secret for a year and a half. It took her that much time to realize that she deserves better. They broke up and she didn’t know how to move on. She came to the conclusion that she deserves to be happy, however she doesn’t quite know how to put that idea into place. I’ve talked to her multiple times, and she doesn’t know how to comprehend that she truly deserves to be treated respect. As she even once told me “I don’t know how to accept what I know I truly deserve”. Her past relationship scarred her in the aspect that she now doesn’t know how to let someone treat her with respect, as she has been trying to let people do so. She now needs to come to a realization of reconciliation in the aspect that she deserves happiness.
After listening to all of these stories from my friends, I understand the different degrees of relationship damage in the youth culture and the reparations needed to repair these relationships. Despite all the pain these people faced, everything worked out in the end for the best. They all found some sense of reconciliation over a certain period. The scrapes fade, the wounds close, the scars won’t hurt as badly over time. (made edits)
There is a heading in Spelman’s novel titled Repairing People for What where she continues in her writing about the repair of automobiles and the repair of persons. She writes,
“If there is any analogy at all between the repair of automobiles
and the repair of persons, we ought to be able to specify what
function is being restored when the repair of persons or some
aspect of them is taking place; for what makes the working on a
car a matter of repair is that the function of the car or some part of
it is being restored.” (Spelman 36)
I referenced this in my essay because it is referencing how humans can be healed. But what about humans are fixed when humans are repaired? Spelman writes that there is a type of reparation that happens within a human being that “restores them to a state of basic functioning” (Spelman 36). For example, my Mom when I was a little girl, would put a bandage on me every time I scraped my knee. The bandage would immediately stop the bleeding and the injury was shielded from my view. The injury still hurt certainly, however it was hidden and no mess was being made. My mom, like said by Spelman, restored me to a state of basic functioning. She helped me onto the path of finding relief.
In the 6th grade, my friend Kaitlin fell off the monkey bars. When she hit the ground she instantly screamed and clutched her arm. I took off my sweatshirt, and she wrapped the material around her arm while the teacher was running over to her. My friend Kaitlin made a temporary cast out of the sweatshirt to help ease the pain. At that instance, she was able to function until she got an actual sling. Now Kaitlin couldn’t have a sweatshirt be put in place of a cast, however it was a temporary form of repair which would guide her to the right path of reparation.
Spelman in her writing continues by stating that, “But our bodies and souls also are by their very nature subject to fracture and fissure, for which we seek homely household recipes for healing and consolation, or perhaps the expert ministration of surgeons, therapists, and other mends and fixers of all manner of human woes.” Relationships, are known to need mending. Relationships in all ages are known to have conflict, they are known to come with difficulty. However it’s up to you, whether you think the relationship is worth fixing.
In youth we are taught to apologize. When we hurt someone else, intentionally or unintentionally, we have been taught at an early age that the right thing to do is apologize.
“In order to apologize — really apologize, and not just utter some
words…. one has not only to acknowledge responsibility but
express sincere sorrow and regret over this action or inaction.”
(Spelman 82)
As I have gotten older I have found it harder, and harder, and harder to apologize in certain instances. When I know I truly have done no wrong, or when I know that the other person should apologize for the action or inaction by him or her are two specific instances. To reference Spelman’s quote where she states that seek mends and fixer, I will talk about my friend Amelia. Whenever Amelia, is upset, she will text me a long paragraph letting out the emotion she is holding in. She knows she can trust me as she as she is pouring her emotions out to me. Now in youth, most don’t seek the help of a person whose profession it is, to well, help, such as a therapist. Like my friend Amelia, people go to close friends because they serve as a sense of home. She is almost making it my responsibility to help her find her own path of peace and reconciliation. To her I am a sense of home, as well as a help to her, just not in the professional sense.
Youth is constantly going through projects of repair, whether it be big or small. Fixing a broken toy, or mending a broken heart. Each and every level and degree of repair are undergone because as said by Spelman, “In any event, repair is necessary……” (Spelman 136) We all want to find the right path; we all want to be led onto the right path for reparation.
Acknowledgements
First, I would like to thank my writing group members, Julia, Kate, and Daniel, for their help and encouragement during my development as a writer. Throughout the course of the semester, I learned a lot about myself as a writer and gained a new perspective through reading the works of other writers. My writing group helped me improve my essay by giving me advice and by supporting me as I became inspired to write new works and ideas. I would love to thank Professor Harris for his dedication in helping me become a stronger writer through this course. I am appreciative of the time and effort he has put in to helping me develop my pieces into their full potential. I want to thank my parents as well for sending me to such a nice University and for giving me the opportunity to find myself through my classes, including this one. My parents have never ceased to give me encouragement throughout my life and I know they will never cease to do so and for that I am extremely thankful. I would also like to thank my friends who gave me the experiences throughout my life to help me in my writing. These individuals are important to me and to my writing and I wouldn’t have been able to write my essay without their support. I am extremely humbled and appreciative of all who helped me be where I am now!
References
“Damaged or Destroyed Relationships.” Beyond Intractability. University of Colorado,
2016. Web. 13 Nov. 2016.
Spelman, Elizabeth V. Repair: The Impulse to Restore in a Fragile World. Boston:
Beacon, 2002. Print.
~C