6 Eye-Opening Lessons I Learned Summarizing 200+ Charisma Videos
Part 7 of 7: Charisma on Command Summary Series
“ The essential element in personal magnetism is a consuming sincerity — an overwhelming faith in the importance of the work that one has to do.” — Bruce Barton
Two months ago, I stumbled on a fascinating Youtube channel named “Charisma on Command.”
The founders, Charlie and Ben, made a living studying real-life and fictional characters, extracting and teaching lessons on social skills, charisma, and relationships.
Their analyses were so fascinating and on-point that I decided to create a blog series summarizing more than 200 of their videos for your reading and learning pleasure.
It all started with this post:
Part 1 of 7: Charisma on Command Summary Seriesmedium.com
And today, it all comes to an end.
Before we say goodbye to the Charisma series, however, I’d like to share with you a few final meta-lesssons and thoughts I’ve learned from this journey…
Meta-Lessons I Learned From Charlie & Ben of Charisma on Command on Content Creation
- Use concrete, pop culture examples everyone can relate to (Game of thrones, wrestlers, politicians). And delve in DEEPLY (he scours videos for examples of his points)
- After relating the story, spell out how it relates to readers explicitly “this is what you can do.”
- Use personal stories — especially ones that are a bit humiliating/vulnerable: Charlie talks about his breakup, his friend Ben (sleeping on his couch), quittig his job and how he did it, his experiences as a digital nomad, dancer in Brazil, etc. Makes readers feel like they know you over time.
- Solicit help, appreciate people — people volunteer translating his stuff, he thanks them and tries to get the subs. Charity: Water.
- Be a good role model. Do the right thing. Charity: Water donate birthday.
- Be open about how you are selling. Don’t need to tell all, but the most important overall (Tai Lopez)
- Ends with a useful call to action — Charity: Water, selling his course.
- Constantly talking about living in alignment with your values and being honest (see CTA, sharing vulnerability, etc)
The 6 Most Insightful Lessons I Learned From Charisma on Command
These are a few videos that particularly impacted me and shifted my own perspective on life and relationships:
Both self-confidence and self-esteem are not totally helpful.
Confidence says “I will be nice to myself if this situation goes well,” and self-esteem says, “I will be nice to myself if I live up to my values.”
But often, situations don’t go well, and we don’t live up to our values. When that happens, we beat ourselvess up.
Instead, try self-love. True self-love is not selfishness, but the willingneses to be compassionate with yourself when you inevitably behave imperfectly. Having a healthy foundation of self-love is the bedrock that will help you get through the storms of life.
Make a decision to stop torturing yourself when you don’t live up to your perfectionistic expectations. Instead, tell yourself “Even though X, I love and accept you anyway.” In time, you might find yourself smiling because it feels guilty, and that will snap you into a healthier perspective.
- Compliment people on what they are working on, or have earned.
- Get people talking about what they love
- Share something true about yourself that makes you look a little bad, but is in the other’s best intererst.
- Use open body language
- Exceed expectations without asking permission
- Crack jokes first, get people to laugh!
There are 3 useful strategies to find humor in even everyday situations:
- Recontextualize: A teddy bear holding a heart is not romantic, it’s a “bear born with its heart out of its chest cavity.
- Be specific: Instead of “futuristic clothes,” use “tuxedo from 3015”
- Double down: Follow up on a joke until people laugh. “This hair isn’t real. It’s a high density polymer NASA invented. It has robotics. It can do things.” Make it absurd!
This one is for you writers and speakers. Do you know when should you speak/write in simple versus complex language?
- Simple words appeal to a wider audience, creates a cognitive fluency bias (when people understand something it seems more true to them), and has a stronger immediate emotionnal impact.
- Complex words are more precise and signal intelligence.
Rule of thumb: use a language level your audience will understand!
A lot of performers and athletes talk about the power of visualization, but most people don’t get what it really is.
Visualization is not about imagining yourself standing on a trophy podium or merely knocking out your opponent. It’s an active, effortful attempt to mentally see every detail of every moment of the fight/performance/event that you are trying to succeed in.
Conor McGregor’s visualization includes going through every step of the process, from walking into the stadium and wrapping his hands to getting into the ring to fight.
He also visualizes detailed fight sequences in his mind, and looks for ways to create physical manifestations of his vision (ie, by borrowing a friend’s trophy, taking a picture with it, and looking at it every day to remind himself of his goal).
Finally, he doesn’t just think it, he speaks out his visualizations aloud. But be careful: don’t talk about winning. That can create a premature sense of satisfaction that weakens you. Rather, talk about your hunger TO win.
And that is how you do real visualization.
Using a character from The Game of Thrones (Theon Greyjoy), Charlie discusses how critical a person’s perception of his own identity is the single most powerful force in his life.
But your identity is not fixed. Anytime you change your behavior, you can change your identity.
We all WANT to define ourselves simply and say “that’s just who I am.” But we have the ability to fight against our internal autopilot and shift our identity. How?
For one, you can decide on the names and labels we use with yourself. Instead of saying “I’m shy,” say “I’ve felt shy in the past.”
For another, the peers and environment around you significantly influence you — as do your habitual actions. Whatever habits you reinforce will craft your identity.
If you want to shift your identity, start by writing down 10 “I am ___” statements that you deeply believe and explore the pros and cons of each. How are they helping you or holding you back? Is it time to change any of these statements?
Don’t lock yourself into an identity that is no longer serving you. Believe you can change, and you’re halfway there.
Books Mentioned and Recommended in Charisma on Command videos
I am always fascinated by which books thought leaders and creative people read, remember, and recommend. So I’ve looked at books Charlie has recommended throughout the videos.
- Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman
- Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton
- The 4 Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss
- Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss
- Influence by Robert Cialdini
- The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden
- No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover
- Anything by Mel Robbins
- Pre-suasion by Robert Cialdini
- Blue Zones byDan Buettner
- Anticancer by David Servan-Schreiber
- Psycho-cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz
- Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It by Kamal Ravikant
- Models by Mark Manson
- Start With Why by Simon Sinek
- The Dictator’s Handbook by Bruce Bueno de Mesquita & Alastair Smith
- Essentialism by Greg McKeown
- The Goal by Eli Goldratt
- The Millionaire Fastlane by MJ DeMarco
- Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert
- The War of Art by Steven Pressfield
- Willpower by John Tierney & Roy Baumeister
- The Prosperous Coach by Maurice Bassett
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