Having a client base which is mainly women I pick up on common themes and trends.
One thing that has become very apparent is that the approval from others is extremely important.
From being a small child we as humans are wired to seek approval.
When a child does something good it receives approval.The child feels good so they will try do things to receive the same praise and approval again.
Now if the same approval isn’t shown or god forbid the approval is turned into non approval ( basically a telling off ) this will leave the child feeling at first very upset, then angry. They quite quickly get over this and may decide to try different approval seeking tactic! Now a child will do all of this without truly understanding the full ins and outs of what they are doing and because they are children they don’t really ponder on things for too long.
As an adult however, we do have a much better understanding of how we operate. I think that many are probably not 100 % telling the truth when they say they don’t care what others think or don’t let what others say influence their actions in some way.
When it come to setting goals and reaching them, this can prove to be a real problem.
You see if you are not 100 percent sure what you want out of your life ( I am encompassing everything from body to job in the word life !!) then the chances are you are going to get pulled from pillar to post by listening to other peoples opinions.
For example your mother in law made a comment that maybe you needed to change your hair colour that it was draining your skin tone a bit ( Alright mother in law back in your box!)
Now actually you don’t mind the colour of your hair, but because you really want the approval of your monster in law ( Yes I am using that term because she should have kept that comment to herself!!) you go and change it. Guess what next time you see her she doesn’t even notice! You could have saved yourself a whole lot of hassle by just thinking well I like my hair and thats all that really matters!!
( Do this if this situation ever arises!!)
Seeking approval leaves unable to take a compliment….
You are trying to lose weight. Someone comments you look like you have lost weight and your hair looks lovely today?” thank you very much” you reply.
You walk around feeling good with a slight spring in your step.
The following day no such compliment is given. As someone who needs approval, you start to think maybe I don’t look as good today,do I look fat oh god what can I do.
If you weren’t seeking the approval you would have taken the compliment, thought well that was nice and actually yes I noticed I looked a bit different this morning too, and cracked on with your day. Not spent the whole of the next day agonising over it.
If you feel good and your happy with your own progress then yes its nice to get a compliment but does it actually really matter???? Yours is the only approval you need and that you should care about!
On a side note…
It is just worth bearing the following in mind when you are speak and interacting with other humans.When we speak to others we have no real idea of how they are translating the words we are saying in their minds.
As the above scenario outlines you can make a very innocent comment to someone which the next day you have totally forgotten about. The person on the receiving end, could spend forever thinking about it Just some food for thought if you know someone who is an approval seeker you might not be doing them any favours by constantly giving them that approval.
Push pull affect on your goals
When it comes to meeting your goals it is the doing of something consistently, not giving up when times get tough and being patient that are going to get you to that end place.
I will use myself as an example here;
If I was at all bothered about peoples approval on how I look, train or live my life I would have spent a lot of time changing my goal posts.
This would have meant that not nothing would have been done consistently and therefore I potentially would never have met any of my goals.
You see for some people a woman with muscle just isn’t their thing & generally they are not afraid to let you know about it!!
On the other hand some people love it and again they aren’t afraid to say. If I was an approval seeker one week I would have been working towards building muscle and the next week losing it!!
But as I know what I want I just say thank you very much to both parties and crack on with my own thing anyway!!
There is a saying you will never please all of the people all of the time and time and this really is something that people need to remember.
What one person finds beautiful another will find ugly, what one person thinks is amazing another will think is rubbish. So spending time trying to seek approval from others for how you live life is really a massive waste of your time and energy.
In conclusion be strong enough to make decisions about what you want from your life in every sense of the word. Screw what anyone else thinks focus on your life, your journey and what truly makes you happy. This is always on of the first things I say to my online clients better to get the right mindset going from the start!!
Any questions or thoughts let me know by clicking here and dropping me a message.
Have an awesome week