A sober alcoholic grapples with resistance to the idea of treatment with psychedelics

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Photo: Daria Nepriakhina under Creative Commons license.

My drinking was always about the whoosh. The sensation nestled between the second and the third drink where the world would melt away. My cares and concerns melting off me into the ether, and for a brief fleeting moment I found what I was looking for relief. Relief from the endlessly looping narratives in my head. My failures, shortcomings, memories of missteps and mistakes I didn’t know how to move beyond. Pain and grief.

When I set down the bottle, I wasn’t able to set those stories down with it. Early sobriety, which is to say my first days of not drinking, was about learning to survive, moment by moment without relief. Netflix, peanut M&Ms, runs around my neighborhood would give temporary escape, but my ability to not drink was directly correlated with my willingness to be uncomfortable and to persevere through pain. …

About

Sarah Jane Coffey

Writer. Artist. Twin + 1 Mom. Sober. Did a solid stint in startups. I have no idea what I’m doing. She/her.

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